The Dream Shake - a Houston Rockets blog: The art of trade negotiations

Thursday, February 21, 2008

The art of trade negotiations

Somehow the Rockets acquired Gerald Green - a 22 year old native Houstonian dunk champion with lots of talent but a 10 cent head - for Kirk Snyder (whom we never used) and a 2nd round draft pick that will probably be used on some 6'11" awkward white power forward who never makes it to training camp.

All in all, quite the day of wheeling and dealing for young Mr. Morey. We like it.

Of course, his trade partner in the Green deal was none other than Kevin McHale. I can only imagine how that phone call went. Actually, I'm quite certain that it would have been patterned after the Eric Cartman School of Negotiation Tactics:

Morey: (calling McHale) Hello, Kevin - hey, it's Daryl Morey.

McHale: who? I'm pretty busy right now. My fantasy baseball season is about to start and I just realized that this Albert Pujols fella isn't a pitcher. I've got an offer from this moron to give me Randy Johnson for him. Can you believe it - Randy Johnson!!

Morey: [signaling to Rick Adelman and Les Alexander to come in - puts McHale on speakerphone] Wow, Kevin, that's quite a steal you got there. Say, I hear you might be looking to make a few deals for the Minnesota Timberwolves. What are ya gonna offer me?

McHale: Well, I really like Antoine Walker, but he's killing me on the nightly catering. I can't afford to feed him much longer. Can you take him off my hands?

Morey: Ahhh, you're breakin' my balls, Kevin. Breakin' my balls. What am I supposed to do with Antoine?

McHale: Well, what about Marco Jaric? He has this really skinny girl he brings around. I don't know why but the other players keep asking him about her. It's really distracting. Even my buddies ask me about this girl.

Morey: (giggling) Sorry, Kevin, I can't take on that kind of distraction here either. Besides, we've already got a couple foreign guys in Yao and Luis.

McHale: Who?

Morey: Uhhh, Yao Ming. You may have heard of him? No? Uhhh...

Say, Kev', what about Gerald Green. Would you possibly be interested in trading him?

McHale: I guess. What use do I have for a guy who can't even remember to wear shoes when he plays basketball? How 'bout you give me that Yao fella and a 1st round pick and we call it a deal?

Morey: Awww, you're breakin' my balls, Kev'... breakin' my balls here!

McHale: Well, gosh, I gotta do something... what about just a first round pick?

Morey: Awww, you're breakin' my balls Kev'... you're hurting me!

McHale: Jeez, what about a 5th round pick?

Morey: Kevin, our draft only has 2 rounds these days. But since you've been so kind, what about a 2nd round pick. And you know what... I'll even throw in Kirk Snyder to make the salaries match!

McHale: Kyle who? What can he do?

Morey: Wow - Kevin - you're missing out. This Snyder kid can do it all. He can run, jump, play defense... do you know no one has scored on him all year?

[Adelman (whispering): Daryl - that's cause he hasn't played all year!]

McHale: That sounds great! They are really getting on me here about KG. I miss that guy. He even sent me a Thank You card for Christmas this year! Isn't he the nicest guy?

Morey: So... Kirk Snyder and our 2nd round draft pick for Gerald Green? Deal?

McHale: Well, what about that McGrady guy?

Morey: Awwww, you're breakin' my balls, Kev'!!!

McHale: Okay, okay - Deal!!!

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