If you are seeing this... well, you probably have the wrong link.
We are now at www.thedreamshake.com -- adjust your bookmarks accordingly!
Thursday, October 23, 2008
Tuesday, October 21, 2008
Daniel with LA Ball Talk has put together a poll/voting contest to determine what is the best (or at least most popular) blog for each team in the NBA. We have been nominated for best Houston Rockets blog along with Red Rowdies and Clutch Fans. Even though Red Rowdies is dormant and Clutch Fans isn't really a "blog" per se.
Please go VOTE HERE to inflate our egos even more!
Friday, October 17, 2008
Nels: Give Me The Rock
Rock: Waiting For Next Year
FTS: Fear The Sword
David Friedman: 20 Second Timeout
Amar Panchmatia: Cavalier Attitude
Brian Spencer: Empty the Bench
Natalie Sitto: Need4Sheed.com
Matt Watson: Detroit Bad Boys
Tom: Indy Cornrows
Jeramey Jannene: The Bratwurst
Frank Madden: BrewHoop
Wednesday, October 15, 2008
A few weeks ago... okay a long time ago we tipped everyone off to the fact that we are moving this blog over to SBNation.
Well, the time is almost near.
Within the next 7-10 days we should be active over at SBNation. No need to change your links or anything - just be aware that things are going to look a lot different at the new location. It will still be us, and we'll still be writing about the same things as before. We certainly aren't selling out to be "real" or "professional" journalists now. F that!
Tuesday, October 14, 2008
The Rockets lost to the Durants last night. Yeah, yeah I know - the Durants suck. A lot. But then again, it did not count for anything!! That's the beauty of the preseason: it is the one time in basketball where the final score does not matter. At all.
the Chronicle has a headline talking about the Rockets being "unwatchable" in the preseason. Yes, really. I have no idea why. If the goal was to win, I can guarantee that Joey Dorsey wouldn't get much playing time. Certainly not 24 minutes worth.
I mean, seriously, Von Wafer was in the starting lineup. Von Wafer!!! That right there should be a signal that the Rockets care not about your entertainment value in a preseason game. And they should not care about us (yet). Now is the time to see who can make the *final* roster spot - not who is worthy of a starting spot. That is how you lose to the Durants by 6. That's about the only way the Rockets could lose to them.
Now, Mr. Feigen, I typically like what you write - but this was unnecessary. If there is ever reason to worry about the Houston Rockets, it won't happen until after October 29th. Unless Yao Ming gets injured... or Rafer gets cloned. Or something like that.
For what it's worth though - Yao had 16 rebounds in 24 minutes. Yeah, he's a badass!
Saturday, October 11, 2008
To go along with our preview over at CelticsBlog, the rest of the Southwest Division previews are as follows:
Dallas Mavericks - Mavs Moneyball
Memphis Grizzlies - 3 Shades of Blue
New Orleans Hornets - Hornets 24/7, AtTheHive, and Hornets Hype
San Antonio Spurs - 48 Minutes of Hell
Seriously, the Hornets have a plethora of good blogs, Mavs Moneyball is always great, even when we disagree, 3 Shades of Blue somehow finds things to talk about the Grizzlies on a daily basis, 48 Minutes of Hell puts together a great site to go with a fantastic name.
Also, Dave and I will be at the March 16th Hornets game in New Orleans, you know if any of us still have jobs then thanks to this economy.
Friday, October 10, 2008
Yes, I know, Deadspin isn't nearly as good as it was before Will Leitch left... it's disappointing on many levels most days now.
That said, they did post a season preview of the Houston Rockets today.
Using Brent Barry as the representative picture (!?!?!?). Odd.
Thursday, October 9, 2008
I've been informed by many people that maybe - just maybe - I am being too harsh on Rafer Alston. He did after all start a majority of games for a team that won 55 games last year, and he was a big part of the Streak. He also had that memorable game against the Lakers, which just so happened to be the one day ever recorded when I actually encouraged him to shoot the ball.
So, on that note, here is a list of 10 people or things that suck more than Rafer Alston:
1. The English Patient
2. the 1990s version of Jenna Jameson
3. the Utah Jazz
4. J.R. Towles (that bastard owes me $20)
5. Sage Rosenfels in the 4th Q on 10/4/2008
6. Limp Bizkit
7. Pearl Jam's Vs. CD
8. New Coke
9. John Travolta
10. Hurricane Ike
feel free to add to the list in the comments...
The Rockets like who they have at point guard? Right now?!?
Did we make a trade I was unaware of???
... because assault, drunk driving and all around sucktitude clearly isn't getting the message across!!
Wednesday, October 8, 2008
The 2008/09 Houston Rockets preview has been posted on Sports Illustrated -- well, more specifically SI.com, but it's all the same these days, right?
Here it is for your enjoyment.
And yes, that little sidebar on the page was written by yours truly. That was fun to write, but limiting myself to 200 words was difficult!
Posted by Unknown at 10:35 AM
Tuesday, October 7, 2008
In the midst of all the season previews, there is one prevailing theme: the Houston Rockets are going to be very, very interesting this year. Win or lose, this team now has personality.
A year ago, the roster was rather bland. People were mostly unfamiliar with Scola; Tracy and Yao were not exactly Agent Zero level personalities; Chuck Hayes was good, but bland (okay, he's still kinda bland which only amazes me more that he's got a Chinese shoe contract); Rafer not only sucked but was uninteresting in the process. And the only player with personality on the bench was Dikembe. Who didn't play much. Bonzi Wells was the most boring crazy person ever...
but something changed.
Now we have Crazy Pills.
We have a white dude who also used to be a Slam Dunk Champ.
We have a rookie that may or may not be addicted to strip clubs.
Alston at least is now interesting when he f--ks up.
Yao is engaging in beer drinking competitions.
Yes -- you read that right. Yao... beer... how freakin' awesome is that?!?!?
One thing I know - I will never lack for material this year.
Today is the Southwest Division bloggers entry day, and we were honored to represent the Houston Rockets.
Team Name: THE Houston Rockets
Last Years Record: 55-27
Key Losses: Bobby Jackson and maybe Dikembe Mutombo
Key Additions: Ron “No Lay-ups, Crazy Pills, Ron Ron” Artest
1. What significant moves were made during the off-season?
Steve Novak leaving this team will come back to haunt it. I have no idea how Daryl Morey can sleep at night knowing that he traded away the next Reggie Miller. Novak could average 30 in this league, you know, if he was always left open, didn’t have to create his own shot and was allowed to not play defense. It’s unfathomable to me that we could let that kind of player go for nothing but a pick swap!
I guess Ron Artest coming to the Rockets for Bobby Jackson, a rookie and a sure thing NBA first round bust next year is big news, but I just don’t see it. That guy can’t even shoot 60% or play defense for 49 minutes on average a game. Wait, just a second, my sources are telling me that he actually is pretty good.
The Artest trade will go down as one of the biggest steals in NBA history if you ask me, and since you did, that’s my stance. Even if Greene turns out to be a solid player, we got a top 30 player for a rookie, an old PG and a future very late round pick (I can only assume). That’s a steal as long as Ron Ron can play more like No Lay-ups and less like Crazy Pills. I believe he can. I don’t think anyone who has paid attention to the man thinks he is stupid, and this is a contract year. He will be playing to stay on the best team he’s ever been a part of. That’s right; it’s a step above the Pacers team that was ruined after the brawl. There are two players on this team better than anyone on that Pacers team, and Ron was the second best player on that team behind O’Neal. Plus, I love crazy on my team, just one guy can be crazy, but I really think you need that one guy.
Defense – JVG installed a philosophy with this team and the greatest coaching move Rick Adelman could have made was to reinforce that philosophy. There are a couple of teams equal to the Rockets on the defensive end, but none of them are better, that’s not conjecture, that’s a fact. When you go down the lane, you won’t enjoy it, when you shoot a 3 pointer, someone will be in your face, and when you try to take your man one on one, someone will come around with the help defense. It’s the best part of our game, and it’s generally infallible no matter how poorly we play on the offensive end in a given game. We rarely get outplayed by a good offense and that is a testament to what JVG put in and to how good a coach Adelman is to not try and fix what wasn’t broken.
Coaching – I truly believe Rick Adelman is a fantastic coach. That’s not to say that JVG wasn’t, I still have a mad man crush on that guy’s basketball knowledge. But JVG getting a raw deal doesn’t change the fact that Adelman was a fantastic hire, that the offense got better throughout the year and was rolling when Yao went down, and that his staff is solid to very good.
Ugly Free Throws – No team in the league can boast a worse free throw shooter than Chuck Hayes or a center that shoots their technicals like Yao Ming. That means that 1. There are a lot of bad free throw shooters on the team and 2. Yao is one of the best centers at the stripe of all time. Watching Chuck shoot free throws is one of the guiltiest pleasures around, you know, provided it’s in a blow-out and the Rockets don’t actually need them to go in the basket.
3. What are the team's biggest weaknesses?
Offensive Consistency – Last year, with players in and out of the lineup, the Rockets could not keep things straight on the offensive end. If Rafer was having his 1 good game out of every 4 games, then the Rockets were likely to win. If Yao was playing and the others around him fed him the ball, we were likely to win. If Tracy was playing defense and turning it into transition points or magically hitting the 20 foot jumper, we were likely to win. All of those things were hit or miss though, and that’s what needs to change. I think that this will be fixed with the arrival of Artest, but it does mean that Bobby Jackson can’t come in to calm the team down when Rafer is not playing well. In all, the team’s consistency on offense will hinge on two things: 1. Can Rafer play as well as he did last year and improve on his decision making and 2. Can Ron Artest keep it together and fill in the gaps on offense. I think 2 is almost a certainty and the jury is out on 1. I really want good things from Rafer, but fool me once…
Injuries – It is very clear that Yao going down for the season ruined any chance of the Rockets getting out of the first round. That didn’t stop them from trying and putting up a fight, but it was not one they could win. McGrady goes down every year for some time and even Alston hurt the team by being out with an ankle injury in the playoffs. If the Rockets are injury free for the entire year, I will personally guarantee a championship. The issue at hand is that it is very unlikely for that to be true. I am hoping that they can limit them, that Yao’s injuries are just flukes and that McGrady can continue to play through the ailments that he has. The addition of Artest means that if TMac goes down then the Rockets can be okay for short stretches, and it means the same thing for Battier. With Shane already fighting an injury before the season has even started, Artest is going to need to be counted on to step in right away. A full preseason slate should help with that. I also think that clears the argument about which one of them will start.
4. What are the goals for this team?
Win the Championship this year; it can not be any simpler. Artest only has this year left on his contract and there are no guarantees after that about the team. Tracy isn’t getting younger and only has a few years left on his contract and Yao is a ticking time bomb of injuries. A championship this year is the goal and the team should accept nothing less.
Predicted Record: 63-19 1st place in the West, NBA Champions
NBA Final Standings:
The East: Playoff Teams
1. Celtics (win Atlantic) - Injuries will happen this year, they will figure them out
2. Magic (win Southeast) - Will be really good
3. Lebrons (win Central) - I just can't call them the Cavaliers, the only good player they have is Lebron
4. Pistons - Old, not getting much younger
5. 76ers - Got better with Brand, didn't lose anything
6. Raptors - Losing TJ Ford, adding the walking wounded in O’Neal moves them down for me
7. Heat - DWade will make them a 3 game above .500 team
8. Bulls - I think they play better this year
The West: Playoff Teams (Top 3 teams have a shot at 60+ wins)
1. Rockets (win Southwest) - We would have been #1 last year without Yao going down
2. Hornets - Exceptionally good and getting better. They have my two favorite non-Rockets in West and CP3
3. Lakers (win Pacific) - Good, will struggle a bit putting Bynum in but will be very good.
4. Jazz (win Northwest) - I hate you, I hate you so very much Utah Jazz, but you are pretty solid
5. Spurs - They have 2 more years left before they have to turn the team over to Parker, I can't decide if that is a good thing.
6. Mavs - I could see them winning anywhere from 44-55, they are a wildcard. It depends a lot on how Josh Howard handles this offseason. I think Dirkstatic will still be awesome though.
7. Suns - Old, very old, but have Amare for the future. Hill won't be as good and Shaq will have a big downturn. They'll make the playoffs because of Nash.
East Semifinals: Boston, Orlando, Lebrons, Philly
East Finals: Boston, Orlando
West Semifinals: Houston, NO, LA, Utah - Advance
West Finals: Houston and NO
NBA Finals: Houston v Orlando
Champion: Houston - Yao shows DHo why he's the best center in the league
Monday, October 6, 2008
Part of the joy of writing for this blog every day is that I get to make fun of Rafer Alston. Constantly. Of course, it would be highly unfair to do that and then overlook it when Rafer actually does something really cool...
Chuck Hayes and Rafer Alston delivered 2,400 pairs of Crocs shoes and hundreds of boxes of food to 1,200 Houston residents who lost their homes during Hurricane Ike earlier this month.
a tip of the hat to Rafer and Chuck!
We normally avoid talking about other teams here... but in the spirit of sharing and the commonly-held anticipation of the 2008/09 regular season, we've joined in with other bloggers to share various thoughts and commentary on each of the divisions. Even the Eastern Conference!
Today? The Atlantic Division.
Jeff Clark: CelticsBlog.com
Jim Weeks: Green Bandwagon
FLCeltsFan: LOY's Place
John Karalis: Red's Army
Dustin Chapman: Celtics 24/7
New Jersey Nets
Dennis Velasco: About Basketball
New York Knicks
Joey: Straight Bangin'
Seth Rosenthal: Posting and Toasting
Dannie & Pete: Recliner GM
Jon Burkett: Passion and Pride
Ryan McNeill: Hoops Addict
Thank Jeff over at CelticsBlog for the idea and the effort in organizing a bunch of team-specific bloggers for this task! (Don't worry, the Southwest Division preview with our Rockets commentary is coming soon!)
Sunday, October 5, 2008
For one day... Rafer's sucktitude takes a backseat to the Houston Texans. Specifically one Sage Rosenfels. FUCK YOU, Sage. I can only wish you meet these creatures:
Seriously, Fuck you, Sage - this is why your dumb ass is a back up QB.
Friday, October 3, 2008
"How is the Shane Battier/Ron Artest/Luis Scola thing going to work out and will it be enough to get the Rockets to the second round? Conference Finals? What's the ceiling for this team?"
What he got in return, well... you'll just have to see for yourself!
Season preview: The NBA's Southwest Division
(and yes, I had about 20 more quotes I was prepared to use. I did my best to show restraint!)
Crazy Pills = Maverick??
Thursday, October 2, 2008
RAFER ALSTON SUCKS!
Whew... that felt good!!
For some reason, I haven't felt compelled to say that in a while!
Why now? Maybe it's because John Hollinger agrees with me.
Biggest Weakness: Point guardYou see, I'm not the only one who thinks knows he sucks...
The Rockets have four-fifths of a championship starting lineup and a championship-caliber bench. Also, they have Alston. While he was better last year than in 2006-07, he's pretty clearly the weak link in an imposing starting five. Alston is a solid defender and dribbler, but he hasn't shot over 40 percent in four years and opponents feel free to gamble off of him to double Yao or McGrady. Finally, he's 32, an age when many quick guards start losing it.
Yes, I still say Rafer needs to be traded. The Rockets are going places this year, and I don't want drunky mucking everything up. I'll even risk the inevitable midnight threats from Rafer's mom -- Rafer sucks and we need to get value for him while we can.
Or, in other words... "don't pass to this guy, he sucks!"
(note: anyone who thought I might have softened my stance on Rafer in the offseason clearly hasn't been paying attention...)
Monday, September 29, 2008
55. I consider this to be a magic number for the Houston Rockets franchise. Why "55," you might ask?? Well... in the limited history of the team, "55" has always been a good indication of future success. And by 55, I mean regular season wins.
You see, last year the Rockets finished 55-27 in the regular season. It was good enough to get to the playoffs, but not very far beyond that. It was also only the 2nd time in franchise history the team won exactly 55 games.
Maybe you see where I am going with this now...
Today, ESPN put out their pre-season power rankings. The Rockets are currently ranked 4th, behind Boston, L.A. (Lakers, of course) and the New Orleans CP3s. I care not about arbitrary power rankings and yet I always find myself reading them. Just for fun. But something struck me this time. When I saw the regular season record and Marc Stein's plea for "cautious optimism" for our team - I remembered something from the team's glory days.
You see, the last time the Rockets won exactly 55 games was the 1992-1993 season. That just so happened to be Robert Horry's rookie year. Yes, this is important. Keep reading.
Anyway, in 1993, Kenny Smith couldn't make a freakin' open jumpshot so the Rockets lost to Seattle in overtime in Game 7 of the Western semis. That sucked. And I'm still mad about it. Just like I am still mad about Tracy McGrady being an Initech employee during last year's playoffs. And yet... this is a good sign for the future.
Well - in the entire history of the franchise, EVERY time the Rockets won 55 games in a regular season, the team ended up winning the NBA Championship the very next year. It's true. Go look it up for yourself. So, maybe playing the "Robert Horry role" for this team is Luis Scola... and in his 2nd year, the Rockets will shock the world and win the ring! Again.
Ahh, a story with a happy ending. I like that.
Friday, September 26, 2008
the Laker Nation blog sent us some questions to distract us during Hurricane Ike. When we had no power and limited access to the Interwebs.
Here's the results. Their commenters are like funny and hypocritical and stuff.
The really good news is that we now no longer have to hear the name "Buddy Baker" for the next 2-3 years! Yes, "Buddy Baker" is the clown acting as Carl Landry's agent. A wannabe Scott Boras/Drew Rosenhaus type who missed the day they taught about "leverage" at Agent school. But now he gets to collect his 5% or whatever and leave us Rockets fans alone.
... at least I can tell Danny McGrath to remove his name from the list of "People to Kill."
I sure am glad we called that guy...
Thursday, September 25, 2008
The Rockets are holding a blood drive at the Toyota Center today. Get Red, Give Red is the slogan.
9AM to 2PM
Benefiting the Gulf Coast Regional Blood Bank
Free T-Shirts to the first 300 donors and Rockets players will be in attendance
To see Tracy McGrady's message, click here
If the deal is really 3 years and $9 MM from the Bobcats, then I think we can safely rest assured that the Rockets resident GM genius will be matching it. And seriously, the third year is a team option? That makes it the perfect contract. It's not too expensive, will put the Rockets close, but possibly not over the luxury tax threshold and Landry gets what he wanted, he didn't have to do the knee MRI. Really it's a win all the way around for the Rockets and a no lose situation for the Bobcats.
So, I say welcome back Carl, now come and show that the Rockets should tie you up longer term in the next two years.
Daryl Morey, you are a genius, you proved your point, as $3MM was probably not far off from your offer and that's all he could get. He didn't go overseas like we all knew he wouldn't and you made his agent spend countless dollars of his own to get right back to the same spot they already were in.
Wednesday, September 24, 2008
Let's face it, the Rockets would not have acquired Ron Artest if we didn't consider there to be at least some sort of a weakness at the small forward position. Shane Battier is great at what he does - which is defend the opposing teams best non-center while staying out of T-Mac and Yao's way on offense. The problem is that this supposed strength is great for the Rockets when they are on the defensive end, but it slows down the offense. SI.com's Marty Burns discussed this exact dilemma today:
The skinny: Don't assume Artest will just step into the starting lineup. Battier is a valuable cog as a long-armed defender and three-point shooter. He also does a lot of other little things that complement Tracy McGrady and Yao Ming. Houston coach Rick Adelman might be reluctant to tinker with success, and instead opt to use Artest off the bench as a sparkplug and scorer much the way the Spurs do with Manu Ginobili. (At the end of games, Adelman can always use Artest and Battier on the floor with T-Mac as the principal ball handler). Artest, by the way, has said he would accept a reserve role.Here's my concern with Burns' conclusion - yes, the Rockets have seen "success" using Battier as the small forward. But only in the regular season. Come April and May, the offense historically suffers dramatically. This is precisely why the Artest trade was made. Further, even the Spurs typically end up using Ginobili as a starter in the playoffs. Why? You play your best five guys as much as you can for as long as you can. That's what wins in the NBA. Lastly, while Artest says he would accept a reserve role, by December it would probably irritate him to see Shane continue to be a relative non-factor on offense. The last thing the Rockets want is an irritated Crazy Pills. Let's try to avoid this.
Meanwhile, because it is Ron Artest we are talking about... why not have a WWE-style Battle Royale to determine the training camp winner? Shane Battier is basically the whitest non-white dude there is, so I'm almost certain he watches professional wrestling. This could be awesome. Artest diving off the top rope to finish off Battier... only for Battier to be playing possum and roll away from the flying elbow...
Okay, yeah, it's clear I need the NBA to start. As soon as possible.
Tuesday, September 23, 2008
I really am sorry for the lack of posts here recently. The problem is that neither Lee or I have power at home yet. Still. Which means no Internet access during our free time. And the job doesn't pay me to blog during the working day on corporate/client time. So......
Not sure who annoys me more right now... the Utah Jazz or Centerpoint Energy.
Training camp should provide some interesting stories soon. And there will be season previews posted everywhere before you know it. Basketball is almost here!
Posted by Unknown at 8:43 AM
Thursday, September 18, 2008
Tuesday, September 16, 2008
And it continues to suck. I stayed in Houston through the entire storm. Ike was much, much, much stronger than forecast and it really messed up the city. My neighborhood did not fare very well in the storm. Somehow, my house remained fully intact - even the roof - but I remain without power, TV, A/C or Interwebs access at home.
Which is why I type this from the office...
My fantasy football teams all bit the big one because I couldn't update my lineups at all. Too many Texans putting up goose-eggs for me. Worst part was that I wasn't even able to *watch* football this weekend. I had to be told about the Broncos/Chargers game. I had to rely on hearsay statements to get any updates on anything football-related. Ike ruined my weekend. And I get really, really angry when someone ruins my Sundays anytime between September and December!!!
I really need the Rockets and Texans to do well this season now... hurricane diversions are going to be in great demand here. (I'm still waiting on the Astros to get a freakin' hit...)
The good news is that I'm okay and everything will be back to "normal" soon. But Saturday morning was some scary stuff. And here I thought Canadians were supposed to be a peaceful sort. F-U, Ike!
Friday, September 12, 2008
Today the Houston Rockets were the Team Du Jour. Odd timing considering most people in Houston are busy dealing with a freakin' hurricane - but nonetheless, I'm just here reporting the news. Of course, I'm selfish and am not afraid of shameless self-promotion. Which is the reason I point this out, because Lee and I have been noticed.
BDL puts us as the #2 Houston Rockets blog!
So, thanks to everyone who has noticed us, promoted us or made any effort too read what we've published over the last year. It is much appreciated! (And that even goes for you, Rafer.... in case you've been reading!)
Go Rockets! I soooo can't wait for the regular season to start!
Thursday, September 11, 2008
One of us has already evacuated.
Don't expect much, if any, updates to this blog in the meantime. Or rants. Or raves. Or anything that would include a "Rafer Alston sucks" tag. Even though he does. Just know that.
Posted by Unknown at 11:15 AM
Wednesday, September 10, 2008
So Rafer Alston is actually going to go through with the charade of a public trial for his DWI charge from back in August. Not only is he killing me slowly as a basketball player, now he's going to force Houston prosecutors to spend my freakin' tax dollars to prove that he was drunk.
yeah, yeah, I know - "innocent until proven guilty" and all that. I think they mentioned something along those lines in my criminal law class 8 years ago. And no, I was not sick the day they taught law at law school!
Nevertheless: a show of hands of anyone who thinks Rafer wasn't drinking and driving that night? Anyone? Anyone...? Bueller...??? Yeah, that's what I thought. I wasn't even there, but circumstantial evidence suggests that something was going on. Washington Avenue at *3*am. No headlights. And he had bloodshot eyes.
As for what the cops claim:
The officer said Alston had bloodshot eyes and the smell of alcohol on his breath. He said the basketball player was unsteady on his feet and had to grabClearly Mr. Officer hasn't watched a Rockets game in a while. Alston being "unsteady on his feet" isn't exactly news to me!
his car to balance himself.
Of course, Rafer hired Rusty Hardin. Who for some reason now seems to be the Texas version of Johnny Cochran.
Which means we can all see where Mr. Hardin's cross examination is going......... "Rafer Alston's driver's license says he's a resident of Toronto! Canadia! Why would he be driving at 3am in Houston in August?? Now that does not make sense!!"
... and Rafer will somehow be found innocent.
Allow me to rant and rave for a little while...
Hey, Carl Landry!!! Get your shit together, sign your contract and quit trying to play hardball with boy genius Daryl Morey!!!
I mean, if you know what's best for you, that is. (And, no, I do not think your agent knows what is best for you... right now he strikes me as the inverse Jerry Maguire. Only one client, but no contacts or connection to the industry.) Dammit, I want to make sure that the other 1/2 of Luis Landry is ready to go during the 2009 Championship Season!!
Things we know to be true:
1. You are not worth $10M a season, Carl.
2. You aren't even worth $8M a season, Carl.
3. The Rockets have every reason to be concerned about your injury history and the current status of your knee. It's what we call doing "due diligence."
4. You are in a good situation where you can thrive right now.
5. Europe ain't that fun. Ask Kumar - Eurotrip kinda sucked.
6. Europe ain't giving you $10M a year, either, anyway.
7. Your agent just might be an idiot.
8. Daryl Morey is a genius and is not going to be out-leveraged by you or your agent.
9. Luis Scola is making $3.1M this year. He's better than you and is the starter. He should be making more. Do you see where I am going?
10. If the Rockets offer you anything approximating $3M a year over 3-4 years, you should freakin' take it. Like, yesterday.
Things that somehow confuse me:
1. Why the f--k have you not signed a contract with the Rockets, Carl?!?
Hurry up, Carl! Make up your mind and commit to your team! Randal "Pink" Floyd you are not! Stop hanging out with that loser agent of yours and let's play some basketball!!!
Tuesday, September 9, 2008
Monday, September 8, 2008
Shane Battier, following a massive surge in voting, captured the first Floor Burns Tournament Championship. Shane Battier is your winner! He captured 59% of the vote to beat Jason Maxiell in the Finals...
Maxiell, the runner-up, will just have to be content with his ability to eat babies.
Congratulations, Shane! (and many thanks to ClutchFans!)
Saturday, September 6, 2008
Okay, so it was just a marketing ploy by one guy, but I thought it was a nice feeling by anyone in the organization. From the official Get Red announcement:
“We want to be like Celtics’ green and Lakers’ gold," says Sheirr. "We want Rockets’ red to be nationally recognized as a big part of who we are and what our brand is. We want to own the color locally and, quite frankly, when we win the championship this year, we’ll own it nationally, too.”
I love it. And frankly, I'm just glad our color is red again, and not pajama stripe blue.
So let's "Get Red" everyone!
I wrote my long Olajuwon makes the Hall of Fame post back in April and didn't want to rehash the same thing. However, it's still a special time when the greatest Houston Rocket all time, the arguable best center of all time, and the inarguable top 3 center of all time, Hakeem "The Dream" Olajuwon is inducted into the Springfield Hall.
Here is the induction ceremony the Rockets held for him in April:
Here is a link to his acceptance speech (Note: If anyone has an embed link for it, send it my way and I'll post it here)
And as much as I don't think Ewing is really a full fledged Hall of Famer, Hakeem was extremely complimentary of him, so that's good enough for me. Also, every picture I've seen of Hakeem and Patrick seems to show that The Dream is taller. Now I know for an absolute fact that Olajuwon is not really 7 feet tall and that he's probably closer to 6'10 than 7', so what does that mean about Ewing? Has he shrunk 3 inches? I always thought he was a true 7 footer? I will get one jab at Ewing in here though, as eloquent as Hakeem was, and remember, English is like his 8th language, Ewing could barely put together a sentence.
JA Adande wrote a great article about Hakeem, and sums up a lot of what I feel about the Olajuwon era. I know that Clutchfans got all overreact-y about it, but there is nothing wrong with that article. Adande wasn't trying to hype Jordan in any way, and it's kind of weak to suggest he was. All he was doing was trying to talk to the casual NBA fan, the guy that only knows Jordan was phenomenal and show that Olajuwon was phenomenal as well. No, he wasn't American, he was one of the first International players to dominate, and everyone should know it, not just Rockets fans.
Friday, September 5, 2008
There will never be another Hakeem Olajuwon.
I love Yao Ming's game... but he's not on Hakeem's level (yet).
Check out this excellent article in the Chronicle on Hakeem and how it was he made it to Houston to begin his path to the Hall of Fame.
Oh, and suck it, David Robinson -- I never get tired of this clip:
Posted by Unknown at 9:16 AM
Thursday, September 4, 2008
The Dream Shake is now considered to be a fundamental element of the universe known as the NBA Blogosphere. Element #48 on your periodic table, aka "DS". Hey... I didn't make the proclaimation. (I would have, but I was either too lazy or not smart enough to do so before. Or both.)
No, this groundbreaking discovery is to be attributed to the guys over at Hardwood Paroxysm and Trey at the Blowtorch. See for yourselves:
I should have paid more attention in chemistry... this sorta gives me a headache. While also feeding my ego. I love the Interwebs.
Tuesday, September 2, 2008
Hello again, everyone! Based on the surprising success and popularity of our last celebrity installment - the network has demanded that I host another edition of "I Know White People"!! [audience cheers wildly - Chuck Taylor mutters "damn you, Chappelle!" under his breath]
For those of you who still do not recognize me, my name is Chuck Taylor and I'll be your host this evening! [audience golf clap]
Again joining us today are members of the professional basketball team from the City of Houston - the Rockets! Today's contestants are Ron Artest, Brent Barry, Joey Dorsey... and our returning champion, Mr. Shane Battier!
Good evening, Mr. Taylor! It's nice to be back!
Yo, 'sup? Am I getting paid for this??
We're getting paid? Sweeeeet. Can I get mine in $1 bills?
Kiss the rings, bitch!!!
Oh, sorry... I always wanted to say that. Hello...
Now, contestants, as I hope you are aware, the purpose of today's contest is to see which of you best knows the habits and tendencies of pigment-challenged Americans. As always, the questions will explore pop culture, slang and stereotypes commonly associated with Caucasians like myself. Let us once again find out which of you best knows white people, shall we?
Today's first question:
Who performed and recorded the song "Achy Breaky Heart?"
It wasn't me. Hey, Chuck, did you know I'm a recording artist, too? I have a new album coming out. Tru Warier records! Look for me... I'm a rapper! I'd never name no song "Achy Breaky Heart" though. That shit sounds gay.
Yeah! That sounds weak. Unlike my dunks - which are nothing but strong!
Bitch, please - no way your white ass can dunk.
But I can! I have! Really!!
[rolling his eyes] Yes, Mr. Barry, I believe you, but I need an answer to the question. How about you, Shane? Do you know?
But of course, Chuck! The song "Achy Breaky Heart" was originally performed by the Marcy Brothers, but was later re-recorded and made famous by Billy Ray Cyrus for his 1992 album "Some Gave All". Some would say it is his signature song.
That is correct!
Wait... did you say "Cyrus"? Like that Miley Cyrus chick I saw some half-naked pictures of on the Internet? Best $19.95 I spent that month. Teenagers today are crazy cool! I love the Internet.
Thanks for sharing, Mr. Barry. Please never do that again. Ever.
Now, for our next question:
Who was the first winner of the TV show "Dancing with the Stars" in the U.S.?
Someone say "dancers"? Cool, I needed a lap dance. Here's $20! Put on some music Chucky! And where are the girls??
Rookie gets no nookie!! Shut the fuck up and go get me a sandwich, chump!
[Joey Dorsey slowly walks off the set with bug eyes]
Ummm, wow. Mr. Artest you are starting to scare me. Shane, is it possible you know the answer to this?
Certainly, Mr. Taylor! While the United States was not the first to air "Dancing with the Stars" the first winner in this country was a soap opera star named Kelly Monaco. Her partner was Alec Mazo. There was actually some controversy.......
Yeah, there's controversy - cause that chick ain't famous for bein' on a soap opera. No, I've seen that chick naked on the Internet. A lot!! Thank you, Hugh Hefner! I love you, man!
Mr. Barry, please don't interrupt. And keep your hands where I can see them! Nonetheless, Shane - that is correct!!
[runs back onto the set with Ron Artest's sandwich] Yo, that girl could dance for me any day! I might even give her $40!
[looks at sandwich]
Bitch -- this has mayonnaise on it!! The fuck is wrong with you, rookie!?!
Mr. Artest, please, can we try to focus on the show? Please??? Anyway, uhh, yeah, let's just go to the next question.
Our third question today:
What 1975 movie parodies King Arthur's court and a search for a chalice of spiritual importance?
A chalice? Sounds like a pimp to me! It's good to be a King. Just not a Sacramento King. On that note, I certainly wasn't paid like a King when I played for the Kings. Do you see the irony in that, Chuck??? Do you?!?!
No, no I don't Ron. I have no idea what you are talking about.
I was once king of the Slam Dunk competition... true story. Really.
I get treated like a king every time I go to the club. VIP and stuff. The girls love the J-Train. I got a room named after me in Memphis and everything!
I give up! Shane, do you know the answer?
I think I do, Mr. Taylor. Are you referring to the movie Monty Python and the Holy Grail? I love that movie. John Cleese always cracks me up. I keep trying to get Dikembe to watch it with me...
nah, Dikembe's too busy showing me the ropes -- if ya know what I mean. And by "ropes" I mean he's taking me to every club in Houston and announcing "Who wants to sex Mutombo?" I've tried to say "Who wants to sex Dorsey?" but Mutombo hit me with an elbow last time I did that. At least I hope it was his elbow.
[hangs head in shame]
Shane... your answer is correct. And now, before I kill myself, I'm going to ask one more question of the group.
Tonight's final question:
Who is this man?
That mo-fo looks like Santa Claus got a dye job!
Yo, playin' Santa Claus is fun... every Christmas I get every girl to sit on my lap. And I give 'em exactly what they want. Even if they say "no"... 'cause you know they mean "yes"!
Is that our head coach?
No, wait, is that the Monty Python pimp you were asking about earlier?
[muttering to himself]
yeah, gotta keep them ho's in check with my pimp hand...
Actually, guys, that's Wayne Newton! You know, "Mr. Las Vegas"! He's an icon! He is the epitome of coolness! I love that guy!
there is nothing even remotely cool about that ugly mo-fo.
The fuck is up with his hair?
Oh, man, Las Vegas! Now there are some dirty girls out in Las Vegas! Me and Coach Cal once had a crazy night out there... And the only gambling I did was whether I'd be gettin' some nasty disease after picking a skank outta that lineup of options at the Bunny Ranch!
Now, Joseph, you've got to treat women with more respect than that. Especially now that you are a professional athlete and represent Houston!
Yo, if I weren't a professional athlete there's no way I'd be able to keep up with them girls. And now I can finally afford the champagne room. Damn I'm gonna love Houston!
Ahhhhh, enough! That's it. I can't take it anymore. I need a shower.
Shane Battier, after correctly answering all four of tonight's questions, you are once again the winner of "I Know White People"!! Congratulations!
However, because the FCC is going to probably fine us a few hundred thousand dollars for even considering having Mr. Artest and Mr. Dorsey on this show, we didn't have much money for prizes. So, please enjoy this used DVD of Season 1 of "Three's Company" and may I never, ever have to host a game show again. Ever.
[Chuck storms off the set]
Yo, Chuck, where you goin'???
Oh, yeah, the buffet starts soon!
Chris Rock was wrong - titties and tater-tots DO mix. And I like it!
But... guys... come on... we have practice tomorrow!!!
[end show / credits roll]
Posted by Unknown at 10:49 AM