10 things Rafer sucks less than

I've been informed by many people that maybe - just maybe - I am being too harsh on Rafer Alston. He did after all start a majority of games for a team that won 55 games last year, and he was a big part of the Streak. He also had that memorable game against the Lakers, which just so happened to be the one day ever recorded when I actually encouraged him to shoot the ball.

So, on that note, here is a list of 10 people or things that suck more than Rafer Alston:

1. The English Patient
2. the 1990s version of Jenna Jameson
3. the Utah Jazz
4. J.R. Towles (that bastard owes me $20)
5. Sage Rosenfels in the 4th Q on 10/4/2008
6. Limp Bizkit
7. Pearl Jam's Vs. CD
8. New Coke
9. John Travolta
10. Hurricane Ike

feel free to add to the list in the comments...

Let the countdown begin: 50 days 'til tip off!

50 days from now, the future 2008/2009 NBA Champion Houston Rockets begin the regular season by hosting the Memphis Grizzlies. Just 50 days!!

And for those looking just a little farther ahead... it's only three months and 18 days until the Rockets and new acquisition Ron Artest get to embarrass the Utah Jazz. I can't wait! And from the look of it, someone else is ready for the season to start, too!


Go Rockets!!

Rudy T is infinitely better at everything than Jerry Sloan

I have to say, for a fan of/writer for the Utah Jazz, I typically like Ross Siller. He is a solid writer that doesn't seem to be swayed from his opinion easily. With the niceties out of the way, Mr. Siller, you could not be more wrong.

He writes:

I won't rehash the whole thing for you, but the bottom line is Sloan was the lead assistant for the 1996 Olympic team. Everyone figured he would get the top job in 2000, given USA Basketball protocol going back to the Dream Team days. But Sloan was bypassed in favor of Tomjanovich for the head coaching job in Sydney.

The snub was a result of politics, personalities and backroom maneuvering and left the veteran Jazz coach as upset and disillusioned as I have ever seen him, mostly because he did not know what he did wrong.

The fact is, Sloan did nothing wrong.

The only part of those words that seems correct to me is that Sloan was indeed bypassed in favor of Tomjanovich. But let's get one thing straight; At no point in time, in either of their careers, was Sloan a better player OR coach than Rudy Tomjanovich. Not for one single second. Sloan would be, and was at that time, a terrible choice to coach Team USA. He simply is not fit for that job. It's the same reason he couldn't ever win a championship with two top 50 all time players for their entire carrers; he just doesn't have what it takes to win a championship of any kind. While he had Malone and Stockton's loyalty, I just never saw that from his other players that weren't stars. Deron Williams and Carlos Boozer (though I'm less sure of him) seem to be in the same boat. I'm not stating this with any kind of inside knowledge. It is in every way my own opinion, but Sloan just seems like an asshole. That alone is enough to not reach most of today's players. Coaches like him are over, they aren't what wins championships in the NBA or International play. Coaches like Rudy T were the new breed, they relate to players and still get their message across.

And I know Tomjanovich isn't an NBA coach still, though let it be very clear that this had NOTHING to do with lack of ability. He was a fantastic NBA coach from the day he took the job till the day he quit for medical reasons. Let's not forget, Rudy probably should have died after that Kermit Washington punch. His medical reasons for stopping were multiple. His coaching reasons for stopping were nil.

Ross, I know your point was to say that Sloan should have coached the team, but leave Rudy out of it.

Predicting the 2009 Season in August

The 2008/09 NBA Schedule for the Rockets has been out for a few weeks now. We've already noted that the schedule makers did not do the Rockets any early-season favors (yeah, F-U schedule makers!). Of course, the Rockets do have a cakewalk February if they can focus and take care of business against inferior teams.

In addition, Lee and I have been somewhat successful in predicting things on this here blog. Or do we need to remind you that Lee himself did, in fact, predict that a very long winning streak was coming. That winning streak ended up being 22 games if you've forgotten about that already...

Since we are playing with house money in the prediction department, why not try to predict the entire 2009 regular season? I shall do my best to be objective. Let us begin:

Wed, Oct 29, v. Memphis - W
(we aren't losing to the overmatched Grizz on opening night.
No freakin' way.)

Thu, Oct 30, @ Dallas - L
(the first "screw you, Rockets" by the schedulers.
2nd part of a back-to-back and on the road.)

Sat, Nov 1, v. Durants - W

Tue, Nov 4, v. Boston - L
(early matchup against the Champs, uh oh)

Thur, Nov 6, @ Portland - W
(Yao > Oden)

Fri, Nov 7, @ Clippers - W
(no Elton, no team)

Sun, Nov 9, @ Lakers - W
(Kobe's first taste of Artest + Battier)

Wed, Nov 12, @ Phoenix - W
(Yao > the Fat Ass)

Fri, Nov 14, @ San Antonio - L
(last of 5 straight road games. Not fair.)

Sat, Nov 15, v. New Orleans - W
(we match up well against the CP3s)

Mon, Nov 17, @ Durants - W
(too young to beat us... at this point)

Wed, Nov 19, v. Dallas - W
(Jason Kidd kinda sucks)

Fri, Nov 21, @ Washington - W
(I like Agent Zero a lot, but... no.)

Sat, Nov 22, @ Orlando - L
(I sense a trap/let-down game)

Mon, Nov 24, @ Miami - W
(Flash or no Flash, they aren't very good)

Wed, Nov 26, v. Indiana - W

Sat, Nov 29, v. San Antonio - W
(yeah, I'm calling it a win here. I just am.)

Sun, Nov 30, @ Denver - L
(gotta fly to Denver for back-to-back? Ouch.)

Wed, Dec 3, v. Clippers - W
(sorry, I just don't see the Clips competing)

Fri, Dec 5, v. Golden State - W
(just a hunch, we'll take 'em at home)

Mon, Dec 8, @ Memphis - W
(Memphis still sucks. And probably will for a while.)

Tue, Dec 9, v. Atlanta - W
(if we lose this game, I will be very, very angry.)

Fri, Dec 12, @ Golden State - L
(the game where G.S. gets even...)

Sat, Dec 13, @ Clippers - W
(look, I'm not ever going to pick the Clips to beat us.)

Tue, Dec 16, v. Denver - W
(Denver has only gotten worse this offseason.)

Fri, Dec 19, v. Sacramento - W
(Crazy Pills won't let us lose this one)

Sat, Dec 20, @ Minnesota - W
(Minnesota sucks, too - but the new unis are cool.)

Mon, Dec 22, @ New Jersey - W
(I am not scared of Vince Carter)

Tue, Dec 23, @ Cleveland - L
(I am kinda scared of LeBron)

Fri, Dec 26, @ New Orleans - L
(this is not a very nice x-mas gift to the Rockets.)

Sat, Dec 27, v. Utah - W
(F-U, Utah! We are winning this game!)

Mon, Dec 29, v. Washington - W
(Agent Zero will need to score 60. He won't.)

Wed, Dec 31, v. Milwaukee - W
(Didn't Milwaukee trade their whole team?)

Fri, Jan 2, @ Toronto - L
(post-New Year's trap game...
Joey Dorsey + Canadian strip clubs could be scary.)

Sat, Jan 3, @ Atlanta - L
(hangover, part 2 - long trip and back-to-back)

Tue, Jan 6, @ Philly - W
(where we wake up but are sick of playing on the road)

Wed, Jan 7, @ Boston - L
(this road trip got ugly fast)

Fri, Jan 9, @ Durants - W
(we love KD here, but... not happening.)

Sat, Jan 10, v. Knicks - W
(New York can't even hope to contain Yao)

Tue, Jan 13, v. LA Lakers - W
(again, Artest + Battier > Kobe)

Sat, Jan 17, v. Miami - W
(not losing to Miami. Certainly not at home.)

Mon, Jan 19, v. Denver - L
(I sense another let-down game here...)

Wed, Jan 21, v. Utah - W
(... because we are thinking ahead to Utah)

Fri, Jan 23, @ Indiana - W
(Indiana is a sinking ship... and Artest will kill 'em)

Sun, Jan 25, @ Detroit - L
(for some reason, we never play well at Detroit)

Mon, Jan 26, @ NY Knicks - W
(Yao loves the Garden. Many dunks ahead.)

Wed, Jan 28, v. Philly - W
(to make up for last year's Philly Debacle)

Sat, Jan 31, v. Golden State - L
(a high-scoring game??)

Tue, Feb 3, v. Chicago - W
(the Undefeated February begins)

Wed, Feb 4, @ Memphis - W
(it's still only Memphis)

Sat, Feb 7, v. Minnesota - W
(I told you February was easy)

Mon, Feb 9, @ Milwaukee - W
(easy road game. Or should be...)

Wed, Feb 11, v. Sacramento - W
(Ron Ron won't let us lose to Kings. No way.)

Tue, Feb 17 v. New Jersey - W
(return from All Star break with easy victory.)

Fri, Feb 20, v. Dallas - W
(J-Kidd only getting older by the day.)

Sun, Feb 22, v. Charlotte - W
(Bobcats getting better, but still kinda shitty.)

Tue, Feb 24, v. Portland - W
(first trip to Houston for Oden)

Thur, Feb 26, v. Cleveland - W
(we own the LeBrons at home)

Sat, Feb 28, v. Chicago - W
(if for no other reason than to stay unbeaten in Feb.)

Sun, Mar 1, @ Minnesota - W
(OJ Mayo is not stopping the Streak, part II)

Tue, Mar 3, v. Toronto - L
(trapped again in looking ahead to Utah...)

Wed, Mar 4, @ Utah - W
(Utah sucks. Or maybe I just hate 'em.)

Fri, Mar 6, v. Phoenix - L
(another let-down game... I hate the Fat Ass still.)

Sun, Mar 8 v. Memphis - W
(Kevin Love is not going to beat us)

Mon, Mar 9, @ Denver - W
(making the playoff push now)

Wed, Mar 11, v. Lakers - W
(Kobe is going to have nightmares about this game.)

Fri, Mar 13, @ Charlotte - L
(I sense a bad, bad game here... but that's okay)

Sat, Mar 14, v. San Antonio - W
(because this will make up for it)

Mon, Mar 16, @ New Orleans - L
(dammit.)

Wed, Mar 18, v. Detroit - W
(Detroit will be at end of disappointing season)

Fri, Mar 20, v. Minnesota - W
(Rockets just keep winning)

Sun, Mar 22, @ San Antonio - L
(damned schedule makers!!!)

Tue, Mar 24, @ Utah - W
(if you ever think I predict a Utah "W"...
you clearly haven't been paying attention)

Sat, Mar 28, v. Clippers - W
(come on, it's still the Clippers)

Wed, Apr 1, @ Phoenix - L
(April Fool's Shaq - you're still a f--king joke!)

Fri, Apr 3, @ LA Lakers - W
(Kobe steals one at home)

Sun, Apr 5, v. Portland - L
(Oden is kinda good... and not really a rookie)

Tue, Apr 7, v. Orlando - W
(Rashard comes home, Rockets disappoint him again.)

Thu, Apr 9, @ Sacramento - W
(if Artest plays here... we win. That simple.)

Fri, Apr 10, @ Golden State - L
(damn back-to-back games!!)

Mon, Apr 13, v. New Orleans - W
(I still maintain we match up well.)

Wed, Apr 15, @ Dallas - L
(Rockets will have a top seed locked-up by now)

Final Regular season standings??
Houston Rockets: 59-23 (projected)

I'll take that... we'd have home court again, at the very least!

Rockets/Jazz - if only the playoffs started TODAY

With all the distractions of the Olympics and Rafer's drunken antics, I almost forgot that the Ron Artest trade should be official tomorrow. Which makes me "officially" wonder what the Rockets could have done last year if only we had the services of Crazy Pills during the playoffs.

My conclusion? There is no freakin' way the Jazz would have beat the Rockets in any of the two previous years if we had Artest on the roster. No freakin' way.

Yes, I know, the Rockets have lost to the Utah Jazz the last two years in the first round of the playoffs. Blah, blah, blah. It's not like Utah did anything thereafter. The Jazz are still o-for-forever on NBA Championship rings...

(haha, suck it, Utah!)


Ah, that taunt never gets old... but anyway...

Take a look at the rosters and matchups as they would exist today. Too many people think Utah might be one of the top 2 teams in the West right now. Those people would be wrong.

As of tomorrow, the Rockets roster/rotation will look like this:

PG: Rafer (sober, I hope)
SG: Tracy McGrady
SF: Ron Artest
PF: Luis Scola
C: Yao Ming

off the bench, we'll have the luxury of subbing in:

Shane Battier, Brent Barry, Carl Landry (I hope), Aaron Brooks and Chuck Hayes.

Which means we could have a 4th Q "finishing 5" of T-Mac, Crazy Pills, Battier, Scola and Yao. Would any team legitimately be able to expect to score more than 20 points in a quarter against that group? Even if the Rockets have trouble scoring on their own (which they won't), they are going to pose defensive matchup nightmares for every team they face. Close games are going to favor the Rockets. Finally.

Though, in the spirit of equal time, here's the rag-tag group the Jazz might throw out on the court next season in their continued effort to offend, insult and bore NBA fans nationwide:

PG: Deron Williams (okay, he's cool)
SG: Ronnie Brewer
SF: Andrei Kirilenko
PF: the guy who stabs blind guys in the front
C: Mehmet Okur

off the bench, the Jazz will have no choice but to turn to:

Ashton Korver, Matt Harpring (pwn3d, bitch!), C.J. Miles and Paul Millsap (unless they also want me to mention Jarron Collins and Brevin Knight, but I'm guessing "no" there).

Hmmm, let's see... starting lineup - definitely favors the Rockets. Major advantages at C and SG overcome Utah's only real advantage - which would be at the PG spot. But since Deron can't play the whole game, the Rockets' depth, size and experience would (and will) overwhelm Utah over the course of any game/series. And don't start with any "Boozer would kill Scola" arguments. Scola is a badass. Boozer is a coward. Scola already has a gold freakin' medal, while Boozer is playing the Christian Laettner role this year for the U.S. squad.

I am so ready for the 2008/2009 season to begin. Rockets v. Jazz, first matchup - Saturday, December 27, 2008 @ Houston. I'll take that belated Christmas gift, thank you very much. Ron Ron will have had 2 months to get acclimated to his new teammates. Correspondingly, the Rockets will have learned how to play as a team by then... uh oh!!!

Another undefeated February for Rockets?

After reviewing the 2008/09 schedule for the first time earlier this week, I wanted to punch the NBA schedule-makers. A straight-shot, right to their collective baby-maker(s). But then I noticed something... as bad as November and April might be, we could see the Rockets taking part in yet another epic month of February. It was kind to us last year... check out this year:

Chicago
@ Memphis
Minnesota
@ Milwaukee
Sacramento
New Jersey
Dallas
Charlotte
Portland
Cleveland
@ Chicago

8 home games. 3 road games. Only Dallas and Portland really concern me here. And Dallas is backsliding. Portland is scary, but a healthy Yao can handle a one-legged Great Oden's Raven. At worst the Rockets go 9-2 in February next year. It gets better... here's the three games immediately before February:

@ NY Knicks
Philadelphia
Golden State

Sure, Philly gave us the January Debacle last year. And Golden State is always a bad matchup. But these are home games. And no one is scared about the Knicks.

But, wait... there's more. Here are the three games to begin March:

@ Minnesota
Toronto
@ Utah

We are beating Minny and Toronto. And we really, really hate the Utah Jazz. Hopefully Crazy Pills Artest does, too. So let's just chalk that up as a "W" today. Utah is goin' down. Rockets just need to keep their head on a swivel, cause that's what you gotta do when you find yourself in a vicious cock fight.



I'm quite sure no one in Utah would be surprised if RonRon tried to stab someone with a trident. But it's okay... the Jazz have it comin'.

The NBA will fine Floppers next year (This means you Utah)

According to an ESPN article by Marc Stein, the NBA will fine players for flopping next year. Fine amounts are not set yet, but NBA observers and video reviewers will be tasked with reporting blatant violations. This is fantastic news and something that Dave and I have been pulling for since long before this blog started.

I really like Rasheed Wallace's take on the ridiculousness that is the Celtics flopping in this series:

"All that bull(bleep)-ass calls they had out there. With Mike [Callahan] and
Kenny [Mauer] -- you've all seen that (bleep)," Wallace said. "You saw them
calls. The cats are flopping all over the floor and they're calling that
(bleep). That (bleep) ain't basketball out there. It's all (bleeping)
entertainment. You all should know that (bleep). It's all (bleeping)
entertainment."

I do have to take the potential fining with a grain of salt though. It's Stu Jackson and David Stern running who gets fined ultimately, and much like the way they manipulate officials, this will be manipulated as well.

Another portion of the article talked about possible changes to the playoffs. I'm a huge proponent of letting it be the top 16 teams that get into the playoffs instead of 8 teams in each league. And I wholeheartedly disagree with this being a reason not to do it:

There is also naturally considerable opposition from teams in the East to
sending the clubs with the 16 best records to the playoffs. The current format
enabled several sub-.500 teams this season -- such as Indiana, New Jersey and
Chicago -- to stay in playoff contention well into April, giving them something
to sell to their fan bases in spite of sub-par records and constant reminders
from the media about the West's superior depth.

That is essentially ignoring the fact that there were multiple teams in the West that did not enjoy such a luxury, specifically the Portland Trailblazers and the Sacramento teams. Both of those teams had legitimate arguments that they were better than the Hawks, Wizards, Raptors or 76ers. I don't buy that argument at all, there is a give and take on it that is equal on either side, so in no way is it better to leave it the same just because some crappy teams in the east got a shot at the playoffs that they did not earn.

Ding, Dong!

... the Wicked Witch is dead!

Enjoy yet another ringless year, Utah.


(oh, and thank you, Kobe... I can rest easy again knowing that the Jazz will once again not win anything. I am "okay" with the Lakers, Pistons or Hornets as Champs... maybe even Boston or San Antonio. Just please not Cleveland.)

Hey, Utah, maybe next year... try not having your (second) best player foul out with 4 minutes left in an elimination game. Just a thought.



What am I thinking... Utah not fouling?
That's unpossible.

Phil Ivey hates the Utah Jazz, too

Noted professional poker player Phil Ivey was at the Lakers/Jazz game last night...

courtside, naturally.

Oh, he's the only person sitting down in this picture:


My guess? Ivey is a noted Houston Rockets fan, so he was just there last night to make sure the Utah Jazz lose. Even Phil Ivey hates the Utah Jazz. Looks like we have something in common.

Additional reasons to hate Karl Malone, part II

Seriously, Karl Malone...

Go f--k yourself.



I think you've now officially surpassed Emmitt Smith on the list of athletes I despise. Check that, I'm sure you have. Enjoy hell, you bastard.

Requiem for an Awesome Season. Really.

Tracy, Luis, Shane and the gang are now officially in offseason mode. We will hopefully get to see Yao perform in the Olympics in a couple months. Other than that, the Houston Rockets are mostly dormant until next October.

Now that my hangover has mostly subsided, I can properly look back on the 2007/2008 Houston Rockets season for what it was. And the correct answer is "amazing." Yes, the NBA... where amazing happens. Yes, the Rockets lost in the first round again. Yes, it was to Utah again. Yes, I still really, really hate the Utah Jazz. Yes, Tracy McGrady still has to contend with the criticism that he's not a clutch performer (and I'm not straying from that belief myself just yet). None of this defines the '07/'08 Houston Rockets, however.

The team started out 6-1 with a new coach and a new offensive system. (This blog started the next day.)

Immediately thereafter, the team struggled and was below .500 in the insanely competitive Western Conference in mid-December. Most everyone gave up on Houston. Called them "disappointments" and "failures" and I think they even made John Hollinger cry.

Then a great thing happened - this team learned how to play basketball the right way. Yao and Tracy took over, but now they had help from Shane Battier on the defensive end, boosts of energy from Luis Scola and Carl Landry and Aaron Brooks. Rafer Alston even managed to have an out-of-body experience and shoot over 40% from January though March. (Which was even more surprising given how much Rafer sucked in November and December.) McGrady had his annual sabbatical due to "injury" - and again everyone thought the Rockets were done. Yet they started winning. And then continued to win. And then everyone noticed that they weren't just winning, but winning as a team. When McGrady returned to the lineup, he finally bought into the new offensive scheme - and things just took off!

On Tuesday, January 29th, the Houston Rockets beat the Golden State Warriors. The Rockets did not lose again until Tuesday, March 18th. 22 consecutive wins. In a row. This included victories over such playoffs teams as New Orleans, Los Angeles, Denver, Cleveland, Dallas, and Washington.

On February 26th, the Rockets got the news that Yao Ming would miss the rest of the season with a stress fracture in his foot. Again, everyone gave up on Houston. Once again, Houston found new ways to win -- another 10 in a row.

An injury depleted roster finished with 55 wins in the most competitive and cut-throat Western Conference in history. The Rockets even scrambled to have home-court advantage in the playoffs. That was impressive in its own right. Granted, home-court advantage disappeared almost immediately... but I'm going to try to keep a positive outlook on this. I mean, at least I wasn't a Miami Heat fan this year!

The best part is that the Rockets look loaded next year. They are due for a truly healthy Yao/Tracy combination. Scola is going to average 16 and 10 next year. Just watch. Luther Head might get sent packing (he just has to go). Aaron Brooks may be ready to be the full-time backup PG. The draft might bring us an athletic swingman. That's really the only thing the Rockets are missing -- an athletic 2/3 position player who can slash and create his own shot. Gerald Green could have been that player, but he has a 10 cent head. Maybe the Rockets can find the next Kevin Martin or Monta Ellis or someone like that late in the draft this year? I trust Daryl Morey...

and Yao Ming is going to come back angry!

I guess the conclusion is that while it really hurt to be a Rockets fan on Friday night, the long-term outlook is quite bright.

Go Rockets! 2009 is going to kick ass!

edit: Hey, Jason Friedman, stop stealing my headlines!!!

Game 6: The prelude to a hangover

Homer Simpson is a wise man.
"Alcohol - the cause of... and solution to... all of life's problems."

What can I say about Game 6?

Tracy McGrady came to play, Luis Scola again proved that he is a badass, but everything else I said we needed to do in Game 6... we didn't do.

Why did the Rockets lose? It's a littany of things you can't do in do-or-die games:

Miss free throws.
Make only 6 of 23 three pointers.
Score only 11 points in the most important quarter of the season.
Give up 100 points.
Forget how to gather a defensive rebound until you are down by 20.
Let 7 players on the Jazz score double figures.

Ugh.

Thanks for reminding me again why you suck, Rafer.
Thanks for beginning to suck, Luther. Thanks a lot.
Thanks for another brick-fest, Bobby Jackson.

Congrats to Utah. Yet I still really, really hate the Utah Jazz.

So now I have a really bad hangover. I have to deal with the next 5 months where there are no Rockets games.

Time to go sleep this off and pretend for an extended period of time that it never happened.

Additional reasons to hate Karl Malone

Not that it should take much energy or effort to hate Karl Malone... the guy is a certified ass-clown, but today we have more evidence supporting the cause:

http://www.deuceofdavenport.com/2008/04/karl-malone-father-of-year.html

(The "Father of the Year" label for Mr. Malone is sarcastic - just in case you were wondering)

Game 4: Where the Rockets got hosed

I'm not blaming the refs per se. The Rockets knew they wouldn't get any calls. They knew that the word "charge" is no longer in the rules unless Utah is on offense. Fine, no problem. We worked around it. Until the last 14 seconds where we got absolutely completely hosed by supposed veteran officials. What-the-fuck-ever.

Let me get this straight... if Luis Scola tries to rebound, it's a foul. Even if he has position and his hand on the ball? On the flip side, Okur can push someone in the back... step on them... kick the ball out of bounds on his own... and it's a foul on the Rockets!?!? Fuck that noise.

Of course, if Tracy McGrady could make a freakin' free throw this would all have been a non-issue. Or maybe stop taking 3s. I thought we had stopped doing that. I was wrong.

If Rafer Alston could have passed the ball to anyone in a Rockets jersey, that would have been nice, too. Rafer, it's like Milton and Lumbergh's birthday cake... just pass. Just pass. Contested three pointers are not generally a good offensive option. (Granted the one you made at the end was necessary and we are not talking about that one.)

If Bobby Jackson didn't get pwn3d by Ashton Korver on offense and defense... that would have been super. Not sure BJ could have played any worse tonight.

The ending was complete bullshit.
And - in hindsight - a completely predictable and shitty end to my shitty day.

Blogger Roundtable with MyUtahJazz

So, Tuesday night Lee and I took part in a blogger roundtable with the guys over at MyUtahJazz. Matt from Hardwood Paroxysm moderated... and led off with "hey, Dream Shake guys - so how screwed are the Rockets?" Needless to say... it was a "hey, salt - meet the wound" level of statement, but we rolled with the punches.

You can find the complete audio recording of the discussion here.

When the Rockets force Game 7, we've agreed to do this again.

Tracy McGrady: Initech Employee

And why Initech? Because Tracy McGrady is a big pussy.

That's it. I am done with you, Tracy McGrady. No more T-Mac. It's like Anakin Sywalker has complete morphed into Darth Vader. Except that you are not a nubian god and you aren't the least bit scary anymore. You have devolved into a giant choking machine. You are far worse than the Cowardly Lion, because at least the Lion knew what a giant pussy he was and tried to find courage. You.... well, not even the Wizard could help you I think.

Yes, you played great for 36 minutes. Yes, you almost had a triple double. No, I don't give a shit. The only stat that matters is the one that has a "W" in it. And let's not forget the backbreaking 5 turnovers. Meanwhile, you now are now 0-2 on Ws when it matters this year. You fucking lost two home games. To fucking UTAH!

What happened to T-Mac? The guy who dunked on Shawn Bradley's head?

We can publish the obituary tomorrow, because he is dead.

I should have known. The very first shot you took... 30 seconds into the game... a contested three-pointer. And why? No one has any clue. Tonight? 0-4 on 3s. 5-9 on free throws. 9-22 from the field... which isn't on its face too bad, except that the fourth quarter AGAIN produced 0 FGs from anyone named "McGrady." You are the anti-Kobe. And now you are dragging Houston and Yao Ming down with you. When push comes to shove, McGrady settles for jump shots. Again.

I watched the game tonight from a local bar with a bunch of Rockets fans. I even brought along a Pistons fan friend of mine with me. The whole game she kept asking me "why is Tracy taking difficult jump shots? Are they even double-teaming him?" Answers: I have no fucking idea and no. In Game 1, you got locked down by Ashton Korver... then you blamed your teammates because you couldn't get open. In Game 2, Utah played straight up... and you still couldn't make much of a difference. Sure, you got 13 rebounds and 9 assists, and I am sure you will quote this to the first reporter who asks you about how well you played. You just have no idea what it takes to win AND be a team player.

It's sad that it has taken me this long to realize that you just are not programmed to win when it matters. Toronto knew. Orlando learned. Houston is now suffering through it. I don't doubt that you like playing basketball, Tracy. I just don't think you are willing to make the necessary sacrifices to be great. Which would be okay if your name was "Rafer Alston" but it's not. You are paid to be a star and at least win a freakin' first round series. Instead, you are now 2 games from being 0-7 in your career in Round 1. Shit, even your cousin Vince Carter found a way to accidentally win a playoff series or two. And EVERYONE thinks he is a giant douchebag. What does that make you, Tracy?

The worst part of tonight is that the rest of the team played well (for the most part). Granted, Luther Head needs to be packaged along with Tracy whenever we trade his carcass back to the Eastern Conference. And sure, I bet someone is going to point to Scola's 4-11. But Scola is the exact opposite of McGrady. Scola catches the ball and looks to inflict punishment on his way to the basket. There's no fading away. Scola is energy... all the time. And pure aggressiveness. And he still managed 14 points and 5 rebounds. You can't blame Scola. Or Battier. Or Bobby Jackson. Or Dikembe. Or Chuck Hayes. Or Carl Landry - who is barely 50% healthy.

I'm angry that such a promising season ... one with a forever memorable 22 game winning streak ... is 2-3 games from ending on such an anti-climactic note. Scola and Battier fought to win tonight. Tracy McGrady sat back and watched.

Yes, the call on Scola against Andrei Kirilenko was complete and utter bullshit. Andrei flopped. Everyone knows it. But here's the thing. It should NEVER have come to that. The Rockets rise above such things. The REAL Rockets. The version with the Heart of a Champion. That version did not take the court tonight. Or Saturday. That version seemed to have died on March 18th.

Screw you guys, I'm goin' home!

State of the Union Address: Houston Rockets

Today, the morning of April 17, 2008, is a good day.

We are officially in Playoff Mode. And the Houston Rockets are prime participants in this glorious adventure of basketball played at its highest level over the next 2 months. And Lee and I got everything we asked for when it comes to the playoffs. Bring on the Utah Jazz. Who I hate. So very, very much.

Game 1 is Saturday.

I therefore present the 2008 State of the Union Address for your Houston Rockets.

The Houston Rockets are a Team. With a capital "T." Yes, we have a future Hall of Fame elite-level superstar in one Mr. Tracy McGrady. Yes, we also had another future Hall of Fame center in Yao Ming (until Tuesday, February 26th). But there is no ego among this group. There is no "I" in this "team"... and if necessary, they would even mis-spell "team" to leave out the "me" just to prove the point.

Need a defensive stop? Battier, Mutombo and Chuck Hayes are on it.

Need an offensive rebound in traffic? Enter Luis Landry (hey! I haven't been able to use "Luis Landry" in a while! It's good to have it back in the vocabulary!)


Need a bucket? Say hello to T-Mac. No, not Tracy. T-Mac.

Need a laugh? The Cookie Monster has that covered. And if you don't laugh, he's going to wag his finger at you.

That said... let's take a look at the pieces that have contributed to the Playoff-Bound-Houston-Rockets. Oh, and we have homecourt advantage again. Suck it, Utah!

Tracy McGrady

It begins and ends with T-Mac. Last year, McGrady said it was "on him" - probably to relieve the pressure that may have been on Rafer and Chuck and Shane and, well, pretty much the whole team. This year? See above about that whole "team" thing. T-Mac needs to facilitate the offense and NOT shoot those transition threes. In fact, no jump shots, Tracy. No. I want to hear nothing but this for the next 4-7 games:

"T-Mac to the rack... and one!"

That's it.

Luis Scola

My new favorite Rocket. Well, other than Yao. Yao is a badass, but he is not walking through that door right now. As I told ESPN yesterday, Luis Scola is the x-factor of this entire series. What we were missing against Utah last year was someone willing to mix it up and not back down to the dirty, dirty Jerry Sloan tactics. Prepare to be undercut, back-picked and flopped to death Houston fans. Luis Scola can fortunately give as well as receive.

Rafer Alston

He's hurt? Good. I didn't want to have to say nice things about him and then jinx the rest of the team because of it.

Moving along.

Shane Battier

The Defensive Player of the Year. And I don't care what anyone says about KG. Shane is DPOY. This series, Shane is going to probably match up with Andrei... who isn't exactly Kobe, LeBron or Carmelo. It's okay though, Shane - you'll get to stop Kobe in two weeks' time. Just be patient!

Dikembe Mutombo

The living, breathing, perfect example of why you ALWAYS have a competent backup center on your roster. Always. Imagine the Rockets with no Yao and no Deke, either!?!? Scary.

Bobby Jackson

He who shall replace Rafer for the next 2-3 games. I was happy when we traded for Bobby J. And I have every bit of faith in him. right now. Daryl Morey is a genius you know - he picks up a vital contributor AND dumps a locker room cancer in Bonzi all at the same time. Brilliant!

Bobby Jackson just needs to stay in front of Deron Williams. Yes, I know... much, much, MUCH easier said than actually done. Bobby can just get in his head and get Deron to go off on the refs, maybe? It worked last time!

Carl Landry

Along with Scola, the missing piece(s) to the puzzle. A year ago, the Rockets started Chuck Hayes and relied heavily on Juwon Howard. Yes, Juwon. Remember him? This year? I think we upgraded massively by getting Scola AND Landry. Landry may not be 100% healthy, but if he's even 90%... and willing to dunk on Boozer's head... well, I'm excited at the mere thought.

Chuck Hayes

A starter last year, and the 7th Man this year. Possibly the strongest man on the team. He can't shoot free throws for his life, but we love the guy. You know he'll do the dirty work and get rebounds. Just do not pass him the ball on the run or in traffic!!!

Mike Harris

Yes, I am listing Harris this high. He could be a HUGE factor for us in this series. The guy is a rebounding machine who has a nose for the ball. He has big hops and, like Landry, just wants to dunk on your head. I hope Ricky is willing to use him more. Granted, he can't shoot very well, but this isn't going to be a "pretty" series... those that want it more will decide who wins. All about the hustle and the dirty work. Or in the case of Utah... dirty plays.

Steve Novak

Yes, our token white guy shooter dude. I dare you to leave him open, Utah. I double dare you.

Aaron Brooks

The rookie blur. Yes, our rookies are better than your rookies, Utah. Brooks might be an even bigger factor than we thought two weeks ago. Rafer is out, and Aaron may be needed to penetrate the Utah defense. Brooks' increased ability to make long-range shots the last month is just an added bonus!

Loren Woods

I do not want to see him enter a game. Ever. Because it means we are down by 20 or more. This is not an option.

Yao Ming

Yeah, how awesome would it be for Yao to walk on the court to start Game 7?

---

These are your Rockets. Ready for some playoff action.

And Tracy? No. More. Tears.

(cue Ozzy Osbourne.)

The Houston Rockets - revisiting bad habits

The Houston Rockets' 2007/2008 season really is divided as such.

The 2007 (October through December 31st) Rockets were a team unsure of themselves, prone to turnovers, sloppy defense and a healthy tendency to stand around and wait for Tracy McGrady to do something. With Tracy mirroring that effort and refusing to keep the ball moving. (We did have Yao, and he's a badass, but Tracy was a black-hole for most of December. And don't get me started on the '07 version of Rafer.)

The 2008 Rockets, i.e., the post-January 2nd Rockets, were a completely different animal. And yes, stick with me - I used the term "were" intentionally for the moment. T-Mac got hurt, Yao was getting angry and the proverbial light bulb came on. The Rockets started winning. By the end of January, the Rockets had their shit figured out. 22 times in a row as evidence of that. Tracy had returned to being T-Mac. Rafer sucked slightly less than was expected of him. We found a way to jettison Bonzi and Mike James. Carl Landry was allowed to come out of the locker room and actually play. Scola forced his way into the lineup. It was a beautiful thing.

And why?

Because -- on both ends of the floor -- the Rockets were hustling, moving the ball and making the other team work for everything. We were getting good shots and preventing the bad guys from taking good shots. That's usually the formula for success, and we owned a strangehold on it for over two months.

Now? Now I'm not so sure.

Losses in the past few weeks to Utah, Denver, Sacramento, San Antonio, and Phoenix (the 3/22 game)... not good. As Marv Albert would say, "the Rockets are showing some signs..." -- just not the good kind of signs. No. T-Mac turned back into Tracy, which is to say the unnecessarily contested three-pointer in transition became a staple of our offense again. The ball movement slowed, or wholly disappeared. The defense was there, but we all of a sudden stopped getting all of the loose balls. Dikembe's finger wag only appeared once or twice a week, instead of once or twice a quarter.

I wrote it off as post-Streak blues. It was to be expected, right?

Today? Well, now that the Rockets blew a chance to be the #1 seed, and now can't get any higher than the 5th seed, is definite cause for concern.

I watched about half of last night's game (hey, I have a trial this week - I'm busy!!). But aside from the constant effort put forth by Scola and Battier, the Rockets look burned out. The NBA has a scouting report on Carl Landry now. That and he doesn't seem 100% healthy. McGrady's bad body language is back. He scowls at everything now and has become stand-offish. Not good!! Rafer is sucking again. Luther Head is shooting better, but still can't make a post-entry pass.

(Of course, our rookies are still kicking ass. Rookie wall my ass!)

The problem is that we now face a very strong likelihood of seeing San Antonio or Utah in the 1st round. The same two teams that have destroyed this incarnation of the Rockets recently. And we won't have the homecourt advantage. Utah is only 37-4 at home after last night. San Antonio isn't much worse - at 33-7. The Rockets will probably have to win at least 2 road playoff games to have a chance. Yikes. Two weeks ago, I'd have said "no problem." Today... color me concerned.

I know the Rockets can do it, but they are feeding off Tracy's negative energy right now. Kinda like Ghostbusters II.
So, who ya gonna call? Well, uh, we can't exactly call Yao Ming. Or Hakeem.

We have less than one week to figure this out. Let's get it together, guys!

To hell with it - everyone is On Notice!

It wasn't enough that Ian Thomsen and SI.com started bashing the Rockets.

No, the Sports Guy had to pile on, too (though, with flawed analysis).

Even ESPN has their backhanded compliment of the week for the Rockets. Almost expecting T-Mac and Adelman to fail in the playoffs.

Now bloggers and commenters everywhere are starting to call the Houston Rockets "frauds" and similarly unkind words.

And, insult of all insults, even our buddies over at Hardwood Paroxysm are now suggesting that other teams in the Western Conference might resort to tanking just to position themselves to play the Houston Rockets in Round 1 of the playoffs.

Hey, Corn, right here buddy!

Yes, I know yesterday's game against the Spurs gives a LOT of fuel to the fire of any critic of the Houston Rockets. I'm quite sure that sometime yesterday afternoon, Stephen A. Smith was dancing around frenetically all giddy that one of his random statements might possibly, possibly be accurate. (It was not, but that's a discussion for another day.)

Let's backtrack for a second.

mid-January... Rockets languishing in 10th place. No hope of playoffs or anything. I say not to worry, we're making the playoffs. We'll be fine.

early-February... Rockets begin the Streak. Everyone dismisses it as an easy schedule. But I don't recall anyone else in the NBA winning 22 in a row.

mid-February... Yao is hurt. Out for Season. Every single NBA analyst that I can recall declared the Rockets' playoff chances dead. T-Mac and the gang ignored them and won another ten in a row.

March 18th... Rockets lose to Boston. Streak ends. Critics sharpen their pencils.

March 30th... Rockets lose to Spurs. Badly. Rockets now "frauds"... even though we've beaten New Orleans, Los Angeles (Lakers), Golden State, Dallas AND Denver -- all without the services of Yao. And in some instances without Carl Landry, too.

Rockets still are 49-24. Pretty freakin' good. And we should at least win seven out of our last nine games to finish at 56-26. Which is also pretty freakin' good.

San Antonio scares me in the playoffs. But they scare everyone.
Phoenix scares me because Rafer can't stay in front of Nash. And Shaq might confuse Landry and Scola with a hamburger and fries. Dangerous.

Beyond those two teams, I truly believe the Rockets have a good chance of seeing some playoff success. Bonus points if we get to beat up on Utah at home. Really.

On Notice - Ian Thomsen, part II

So, SI.com had been writing glowing things about the Houston Rockets lately. Which, considering we had a 22-freakin'-game winning streak likely prohibited them from saying negative things about the guys. Now that we are 7 days removed from the end of the Streak - well, the claws are starting to come back out.

Ian Thomsen -- you are On Notice. Again.

Saw this yesterday on SI.com - a Closer Look at the Rockets. Mr. Thomsen starts out saying all the right things... we have a good system and a good coach in Adelman... Rafer is playing better... Luis Scola is having a positive impact (though Thomsen mistakenly omits referring to Scola as a "badass" - or identifying him as 1/2 of "Luis Landry")... praises the winning streak (sort of)... and acknowledges Shane Battier for being a one-man Steel Curtain on defense.

Thomsen even points out the Rockets 7-4 record sans McGrady as being a turning point (it would have been 9-2 but for the choke jobs at home against New Orleans and the Philly Debacle).

All of this sounds great, right?

Then we get to the conclusion...

After watching the Rockets play a perfect quarter of the season, it would be wrong to assume that they can't play team basketball over the month ahead. But this talk during the streak of whether they're better without Yao has been ridiculous. They're going to miss Yao badly in the postseason, and -- unless they recreate the makings of the streak, or an opponent suffers an injury of importance similar to Yao's -- they're going to struggle against all of the potential opponents in the West, each of whom should enter the playoffs with more talent.

I agree with only one statement here - that the Rockets are not better off without Yao. But most anyone who has ever watched a single basketball game could reach that conclusion. Losing a dude who is 7'5" and can actually shoot can never help a basketball team.

But the criticism of the Rockets' talent and size is wrong. Carl Landry will hopefully be healthy and 100% by May. Luis Scola is going to outwork whomever he has to play. Shane Battier has shown he can lock down Kobe Bryant, so there isn't anyone in the playoffs who will "go off" on Shane. Dikembe can still give a good 15-20 minutes. We have a very deep bench with BobbyJ, Landry, Chuck Hayes, Luther Head, Mike Harris, Steve Novak and even our favorite midget Aaron Brooks. If you haven't noticed - the Rockets tend to increase leads in the 2nd Q when both teams resort to their reserve players. It's a huge change from last year when the Rockets consistently got 0 production from the bench.

So, the "they're going to struggle against all of the potential opponents in the West" conclusion is quite harsh given that there is no statistical evidence showing the Rockets can't compete. We just beat Golden State. IN GOLDEN STATE. Also, without Yao, we've beaten Denver. We've beaten Dallas... in Dallas. We've beaten the Lakers. We've beaten New Orleans (before Rafer decided to trash talk). That's five of the 8 other teams competing for the playoffs in the West.

Sure, the Phoenix game sucked. But that was the back-end of a vicious back-to-back.

And sure, the Boston Celtics game at home was tough. But the Streak had to end sometime.

Also, yeah, I can't ignore that New Orleans took it to us in New Orleans.

But the Rockets have lost a grand total of seven (7) games in 2008. There isn't another team in the NBA that can make a stronger claim.

Is it possible that the Rockets might have another first-round flameout? Sure. Anything is possible. But it's not necessarily a "given" right now. With the possibility of homecourt, I'd feel comfortable playing Golden State, Denver, Dallas, Utah and even the Lakers in a 7 game series. A New Orleans/Houston series would be classic. San Antonio scares me of course. Phoenix also scares me only because they swing from "great" to "awful" and you never know which team you are facing on a particular night.

Either way - anyone looking to put a tombstone on the Rockets' playoff chances is hereby warned that they are subject to being put On Notice, too. We're watching. Closely.