Sage makes Rafer look competent

For one day... Rafer's sucktitude takes a backseat to the Houston Texans. Specifically one Sage Rosenfels. FUCK YOU, Sage. I can only wish you meet these creatures:


Seriously, Fuck you, Sage - this is why your dumb ass is a back up QB.

Rafer going on trial for DWI

So Rafer Alston is actually going to go through with the charade of a public trial for his DWI charge from back in August. Not only is he killing me slowly as a basketball player, now he's going to force Houston prosecutors to spend my freakin' tax dollars to prove that he was drunk.

yeah, yeah, I know - "innocent until proven guilty" and all that. I think they mentioned something along those lines in my criminal law class 8 years ago. And no, I was not sick the day they taught law at law school!

Nevertheless: a show of hands of anyone who thinks Rafer wasn't drinking and driving that night? Anyone? Anyone...? Bueller...??? Yeah, that's what I thought. I wasn't even there, but circumstantial evidence suggests that something was going on. Washington Avenue at *3*am. No headlights. And he had bloodshot eyes.

As for what the cops claim:

The officer said Alston had bloodshot eyes and the smell of alcohol on his breath. He said the basketball player was unsteady on his feet and had to grab
his car to balance himself.

Clearly Mr. Officer hasn't watched a Rockets game in a while. Alston being "unsteady on his feet" isn't exactly news to me!

Of course, Rafer hired Rusty Hardin. Who for some reason now seems to be the Texas version of Johnny Cochran.
Which means we can all see where Mr. Hardin's cross examination is going......... "Rafer Alston's driver's license says he's a resident of Toronto! Canadia! Why would he be driving at 3am in Houston in August?? Now that does not make sense!!"


... and Rafer will somehow be found innocent.

Lee is like famous and stuff now

If y'all get a chance today, make a trek across the Interwebs to read the interview Empty the Bench did with Lee. Lots and lots and lots of Rockets-related questions, comments and things of that nature.

(at least now I know why Lee's been quiet on the blog, he's been pimping himself out! Nicely done, sir!)

Be careful though with the new-found fame - there are some shady agents out there trying to make a quick buck! Namely this guy:

just don't let him put you in a boxing match.......

Rafer is compounding his mistakes

So... Rafer "apologized" for his DWI arrest today.

here's his actual apology:

"On behalf of Mr. Alston, he wishes to apologize to the Rockets and the fans... He never intended for this to happen. He is looking forward to putting this behind him."

Mistake #1 - hiring Rusty Hardin's firm to represent you. After the Roger Clemens debacle, hiring Rusty just makes you look guilty. And unlike hiring Johnny Cochran, you don't get the option of "I'd rather look guilty at the mall" here (thank you, Chris Rock). Then again, that leads us into Mistake #2..

Mistake #2 - why the hell are you apologizing? Step 1 should be to deny everything. Step 3 is to profit. I thought this was common knowledge by now?!?

Or, put it another way, you should have used the Bundy Credo!!!
(no, not the one about "hooters, hooters, yum, yum, yum" - I meant the other Bundy Credo!)

"lie... sell shoes ...and lie!"

Then again, you are driving around Houston with a Canadian driver's license? And you still list your residence as Toronto, Canada? Wow - maybe you and I both agree that you should be run out of Houston?!? We may finally have found some common ground here!

This is my favorite part though:

"The officer described Alston as being belligerent and combative."

Ya don't say? If only you were belligerent and combative in the playoffs, then I wouldn't be asking the Rockets to trade your sorry, drunken ass.

When the worst case scenario happens

Lee and I participated... somewhat... in the mock draft sponsored by the Hardwood Paroxysm guys who now are moonlighting over at Ridiculous Upside. The Rockets have the 25th pick, and I am quickly learning that this is going to be a really tough spot to find a player that will immediately contribute to next year's Rockets roster.

Oh, and not to kill the suspense, but you can see our pick and our rationale for said pick here.


I really, really hated having to make this pick. We couldn't find a recent photo of our draftee. Here's one of him from third grade though:


This french piece of crap better be as good at basketball as he is at dodgeball.

Like we said - Scola is a badass!

Luis Scola. Total Badass.

And now he's ranked #1 on ESPN's "rookie rankings."
It's about time!

Now we just need to figure out how to get a national campaign to get a co-ROY win for "Luis Landry". Step one - get Carl Landry healthy. Step two ... ????. Step three - profit!

Rockets/Mavs - "17" is legal in Texas!

To get the proper perspective on what is now a SEVENTEEN game winning streak - we go straight to the voice of authority. Chef.

Hey, Chef, what's the right size for a winning streak?

17.

But what if our best player gets injured and is out for the season after only the 12th win?

17.

But what if everyone says that we can't win without Yao and we're only winning because our schedule is soft?

17.

Okay! Thanks, Chef!

The Rockets absolutely destroyed the supposed streak-breaking Dallas Mavericks last night. No, they didn't have Dirk, but we'd have won even if he played. We didn't have Yao - and you don't hear us bitching about it. We've won five straight after having our season declared dead by such NBA luminaries as Stephen A. Smith, Charles Barkley, Jalen Rose and most of the blogosphere.

Our daily Luis Landry update? 29 points, 11 rebounds, 3 assists, 2 steals, 2 blocks and a handful of soul-crushing dunks by that Landry guy.

And holy hell - the Mavericks made Rafer look like CP3. Shooting, passing, dancing around... Dallas could not stop Rafer Alston. Rafer had a SEASON-HIGH 24 points to go with his 4 assists, 5 rebounds and 2 steals. The best part? During the game Marv Albert was openly fellating Rafer. 2 seconds after tip-off, Marv said that Rafer was having an "excellent season" (Marv must have been busy doing something else in November/December). Then, after halftime, Marv said Rafer is "having a career year" (no, he's not, but he was an absolute badass last night).

Then again, Reggie Miller said that Carl Landry's "weakness" is rebounding. Yeah, apparently Landry is a poor rebounder. Do the TNT guys watch any game film at all? Landry's weaknesses are free throw shooting and an inability to hide his God-like tendencies among normal human folk. That's it. The dude rebounds. He just doesn't have to when we shoot 54% and the other half of Luis Landry gets the available rebounds. Teamwork rules.

Speaking of ruling... I rule!!

I predicted a win against Dallas. I backed it up by taking a bet. And now that bet is paying off. Sometime later today, the unfortunate victims at The Big and The Brown will be posting my recap of last night's game. And, oh yes, I went back to the Toni Braxton story. Picking on Jason Kidd is fun and necessary all at the same time.

Don't mess with the Rockets, Texas (or me). Just stay out of my way. Or you'll pay. Listen to what I say.

17 wins in a row. Rockets are 41-20. Playoff bound.
Dallas? Not so much.

A message from General Cartman Lee

Dear Rockets fans,

It is with a very heavy heart that I must inform you that your adopted son Yao Ming was [figuratively] killed in battle on the morning of February 26, 2008, at the Toyota Center in Houston. This season has taken something from all of us, and, although your son seems to be the only casualty so far, know that we all share your pain. Your son did not die in vain. I shall persevere and make San Antonio and Utah my slaves. Because I hate those guys. I hate them so very, very much.

Yours,

General Cartman Lee

The art of trade negotiations

Somehow the Rockets acquired Gerald Green - a 22 year old native Houstonian dunk champion with lots of talent but a 10 cent head - for Kirk Snyder (whom we never used) and a 2nd round draft pick that will probably be used on some 6'11" awkward white power forward who never makes it to training camp.

All in all, quite the day of wheeling and dealing for young Mr. Morey. We like it.

Of course, his trade partner in the Green deal was none other than Kevin McHale. I can only imagine how that phone call went. Actually, I'm quite certain that it would have been patterned after the Eric Cartman School of Negotiation Tactics:

Morey: (calling McHale) Hello, Kevin - hey, it's Daryl Morey.

McHale: who? I'm pretty busy right now. My fantasy baseball season is about to start and I just realized that this Albert Pujols fella isn't a pitcher. I've got an offer from this moron to give me Randy Johnson for him. Can you believe it - Randy Johnson!!

Morey: [signaling to Rick Adelman and Les Alexander to come in - puts McHale on speakerphone] Wow, Kevin, that's quite a steal you got there. Say, I hear you might be looking to make a few deals for the Minnesota Timberwolves. What are ya gonna offer me?

McHale: Well, I really like Antoine Walker, but he's killing me on the nightly catering. I can't afford to feed him much longer. Can you take him off my hands?

Morey: Ahhh, you're breakin' my balls, Kevin. Breakin' my balls. What am I supposed to do with Antoine?

McHale: Well, what about Marco Jaric? He has this really skinny girl he brings around. I don't know why but the other players keep asking him about her. It's really distracting. Even my buddies ask me about this girl.

Morey: (giggling) Sorry, Kevin, I can't take on that kind of distraction here either. Besides, we've already got a couple foreign guys in Yao and Luis.

McHale: Who?

Morey: Uhhh, Yao Ming. You may have heard of him? No? Uhhh...


Say, Kev', what about Gerald Green. Would you possibly be interested in trading him?

McHale: I guess. What use do I have for a guy who can't even remember to wear shoes when he plays basketball? How 'bout you give me that Yao fella and a 1st round pick and we call it a deal?

Morey: Awww, you're breakin' my balls, Kev'... breakin' my balls here!

McHale: Well, gosh, I gotta do something... what about just a first round pick?

Morey: Awww, you're breakin' my balls Kev'... you're hurting me!

McHale: Jeez, what about a 5th round pick?

Morey: Kevin, our draft only has 2 rounds these days. But since you've been so kind, what about a 2nd round pick. And you know what... I'll even throw in Kirk Snyder to make the salaries match!

McHale: Kyle who? What can he do?

Morey: Wow - Kevin - you're missing out. This Snyder kid can do it all. He can run, jump, play defense... do you know no one has scored on him all year?

[Adelman (whispering): Daryl - that's cause he hasn't played all year!]

McHale: That sounds great! They are really getting on me here about KG. I miss that guy. He even sent me a Thank You card for Christmas this year! Isn't he the nicest guy?

Morey: So... Kirk Snyder and our 2nd round draft pick for Gerald Green? Deal?

McHale: Well, what about that McGrady guy?

Morey: Awwww, you're breakin' my balls, Kev'!!!

McHale: Okay, okay - Deal!!!

A win is a win, I'll take it!

I just have one thing to say:

Carl Landry = Beast!

106-103, Rockets win again. Though they probably stole this one. And what the hell - no Pacers fouled out of this game?!? I declare Shenanigans on that! I better go get my broom!

Rockets are 26-20. Up next? The Milwaukee Bucks. Someone make sure to stay with Michael Redd, please!

Lakers get Gasol! Gasol gets negroplasty...

Lakers trade the remains of Kwame Brown, Javaris Crittenton and some draft pick fodder and acquire Pau Gasol. Wow. Nice trade.


When Andrew Bynum returns, the Lakers will be scary good with Derek Fisher, Kobe, Lamar Odom, Pau Gasol and Bynum as the starting five. Wow.

Meanwhile, using my skills of perception and logic through information acquired on the ESPN report of the trade, it looks like Pau Gasol knew this was coming. He already went out and got himself a negroplasty!
Kyle Broflovski... such a trend setter.

Yao was fouled, dammit! Twice!!

A bit of a disclaimer this morning: I was at yesterday's game. At half-court. 10th row. Phenomenal seats. Only to watch the Rockets blow an 8 point fourth quarter lead. It just about killed me. Or had me ready to be fit with a straitjacket. I would have had a post-game review up yesterday, but I just couldn't do it. I wanted to, but...

Normally I am a rather rational and logical person. Except when it comes to the Rockets. My emotional balance runs parallel to their season - when they play good, solid team basketball, I'm a pretty content and reasonable person. When they start playing not to lose while also getting screwed over by the referees... I tend to become unstable and highly irrational.

Yesterday afternoon, I was so agitated after the Rockets game that I couldn't even properly enjoy the Cowboys choking against Elisha and the Giants!

Oh, and YAO WAS FOULED you sons of bitches! Fouled, I say! Twice!!

Look, I love Chris Paul's game. Maybe not as much as Lee, but I recognize greatness. And when matched up against Rafer, Chris Paul looks even better than normal. It was not fair. Then Ricky got smart and put Aaron Brooks into the game. The midget actually held his own and managed to stay in front of Paul... then Ricky put Rafer back in. (Oh, Brooks, while you played great, please stop taking so many 3s - it's not your shot. You were 1-5 this game. You should never shoot more then 2-3 of those a game. Ever.)

Rafer... 4-13 from the floor. Again. At what point does he realize that he's not making shots and should just stop? He missed 2 layups. He missed open 3s. He missed that "tearput" thing he calls a shot. Oh, and he failed to get back on D to stop Paul. Ugh.

Meanwhile, Yao had another beast of a game. 30 points, 16 rebounds. The 6 turnovers are bullshit because 3 of them were when he was hacked to pieces but the refs must have been busy watching the end of the Colts game. What the hell? Peyton lost and little brother Elisha won? I wonder how the post-game family conversation went. Oh.... of course.

Anyway, back to the Rockets game. This game is precisely why we probably should not trade T-Mac. If he were able to play the 4th Q, we probably do not blow the lead. We played soft and tight and stopped running, moving and passing the ball around. Predictably, the Chris Pauls came back and took the lead. (Though the play Byron Scott drew up at the end to get Paul the layup was very well done... I was impressed.)

Nevertheless, I can't change the result. The five game winning streak is over. Playing like a bunch of five-assed monkeys at the end of the game did not allow the number to be "6".

(oh, and on an unrelated note... Corey Brewer is a bad-ass, Lee. But, yes, he's skinnier than me, and that is not a good thing.)

I have foreseen your destiny!

Hey, New York Knicks........

Apologize!!!You cannot stop Yao. You can only hope to contain him. Or foul the shit out of him. But he shoots 90% from the line, so that doesn't work either. Isiah saw it coming, so he left the show early. Guess he doesn't like predictable endings. (and you can be sure I will post the YouTube clip of Yao gorilla dunking on Malik Rose's corpse as soon as it's online.)

Ohhhhh! And that's 4 in a row! Just as I called it a week ago. The "east coast swing" is a nice way to pick up cheap Ws.

Some game thoughts:

I told you Scola should be playing more! He was the difference in the game and negated the impact of David Lee completely.

Rafer... I gotta hand it to you. You played great in the 1st quarter. Tried everything you could to fuck it up in the third quarter (heaving 3s when Yao is killing inside is just stupid). Then you made up for it and closed out the game in the 4th with some tough defense, great passing and an actual made layup in traffic. I expect more of this from you. We can compete against anyone if you play like this.

Where the F was Aaron Brooks in the 2nd half? He killed the Knicks last time.

Bonzi? F-U. You are the reason the Rockets went from 12 up to 5 down. Nearly giving me a heart attack in the process. At least fake it like you want to play defense every now and then. You made Eddy Curry look energetic.

Shane Battier -- another solid, unsung performance that was essential to another victory. This is why we made the Rudy Gay trade. Rockets fans, always remember this.

And to the rest of the Rockets - when the 7'5" Chinese dude in the middle is scoring at will against an opponent that doesn't seem to care -- if you don't make sure he at least touches the ball on every freakin' possession -- you should all be benched. Yao could have scored 50 tonight if anyone was paying attention. I'll take the win, sure, but let's make it easy next time. Here's what he looks like. It should be easy to find him.

Go Rockets! Make it five for five on Friday! I'll be there!

That is not the formula for success

Thank God it is 2008 - for 2007 could not have been more disappointing and frustrating if you were a member of the Houston Rockets.

Monday night's effort and result was a metaphor for the entire season to date. Start strong, look impressive... then go limp and lose to Golden State.

In the process, we may have stumbled upon an anti-formula. Whereas the formula for success is simple: play inside-out, feed the Big Man, and then make open 3s... the Rockets tried a new formula Monday night. Let's break it down:

1. Announce that T-Mac will possibly miss 7 more games. (check!)
2. Only get the aforementioned Big Man (that 7'5" guy named Yao) all of eight (8!!) shots in the entire game. (check!!)
3. Play Rafer Alston 44 minutes and also allow him to chuck bricks seventeen (17!!) times. (check!!!)

For those without math degrees, Rafer shot more than twice as much as Yao. Brilliant!

4. Miss 10 layups. Yes, I am looking at you, Bonzi.

and...

5. Go up by 11 points in the third quarter and immediately declare victory. And by "declare victory" I mean stop playing defense, stop passing the ball, stop trying to take the ball to the basket and stop rebounding. Then again, the Rockets made no effort to rebound all night. Out-rebounded 47-34 by Golden State. Ouch.

Of course, there is an easier way to explain how/why the Rockets lost Monday:

When Rafer Alston is named "Player of the Game" by Bill and Clyde... you're pretty fucked.

Throw the switch, Mr. Garrison!!!

NBA Resolutions for 2008

I'm not usually one for New Year's resolutions. Basically it's an excuse to put off things until January 1 of the next year and then get bored of this new regimen by March (I see it at the gym all the time - it's overcrowded in January and the newbies get bored of it by springtime).

That said, I think the NBA has a handful of things it should "resolve" in 2008 - and hopefully not get bored of them and back-track like it did with the synthetic basketball introduced last year (Orange Roundie!). I'm lookin' at you commish -- no wussing out on this!

For my proposed NBA resolutions, let us begin in reverse order:

5. The Jump Ball

The "jump ball" has been used at all levels of basketball since the game became mainstream. The basic concept is known to all: to start the game, put your tallest guy in the center of the court and make him jump up and tap it to a teammate before the designated tall person on the other team does the same.

It's even worse during the game when there is a tie-up and two players claim possession. A short player may be hustling to get the ball when it's loose following a rebound or a poke-away. Inadvertently he may have tied-up the designated tall person from the other team. And then we have unintentional comedy with a 6' tall player trying to "out-jump" a 7' tall player. It's a built-in disadvantage to the guy who is quick and who hustles.

Even worse is the fact that referees still cannot make a proper "toss" of the jump ball. The average ref is probably 6' tall or shorter. And they are supposed to throw a basketball upwards to players that are 7' or taller and have insanely long arms... and this "toss" is supposed to be perfectly vertical and accurate?? How is it that after 60 years of the NBA there has not been a way to improve this concept?

It's called evolution, people. The jump ball is corny and stupid - and often a disadvantage to the team that is playing harder. Either teach the refs how to do it properly or find a new way for determining possession. Right now it's one way the college game is superior to the NBA game.

4. The "Double Technical" Foul

I still do not understand this rule. To this day, no one has ever been able to explain to me the purpose and the benefits of the double technical. So two players get into a skirmish. The ref blows the whistle and hits both with a techical foul? Huh?

The purpose of a technical foul is to keep order in the game and prevent players from disrespecting their opponents or the referees. Yet basketball is still a competitive event (unless you play for the Miami Heat) and by implication this involves emotions. Often heated emotions.

So, theoretically, the rule is invoked when one player says something about another player's mother... the other player takes offense and gets into the chest of the other player demanding that he take the offending comments back. To stop this from escalating, both players are typically assessed a technical foul. And nothing is accomplished. Both players still are mad at each other and order is by no means restored. Unless one player already had a technical foul and then it's highly unfair to allow one team to bait the other team to get one guy ejected.

Either give one player a technical foul... or none of them. Even stranger is that when there is a double technical foul -- neither team shoots free throws. Even the basketball authorities implicitly acknowledge that nothing is to be gained from this rule. This isn't the NFL, guys - there shouldn't be anything approximating "offsetting penalties" in our great game. This rule is annoying and it has to go. Or be improved. Maybe a penalty box?

3. Players slapping hands between free throws

Okay, Mr. Stern, I'm not sure there is much you can do about this one. But you did put in a dress code. And you did insert a rule preventing players from listening to iPods during pre-game warm-ups. Maybe you can help me here.

When did this stupid habit start? I mean... really? When did some player think it to be a good idea to walk towards his teammate shooting free throws, give him a high-five/low-five/fist-bump/handshake? And when did the rest of the league think this is cool and follow suit?

I'm gonna let you in on something, guys - it's f--king stupid. Stop doing it!

As a free throw shooter - it's all about rhythm. You do not want distractions or be forced to move off your spot. And you certainly do not want to have to break rhythm to tap hands with a teammate when you felt good about your first free throw. Yet to be "cool" and not be out of place, it is now commonplace to step off the line, give a fist-bump to each of your teammates trying to rebound what will now inevitably be a missed 2nd free throw, and then do it again the next time you go to the FT line.

What's the deal? It's your teammate. It's not like you just met him and/or are greeting him upon his entrance into the game. Let him shoot the damn free throw. You can commiserate on the social experience of playing basketball together at another time!

(and yes, I put a picture of Kobe here because he's seen as the ultimate "loner" in the NBA... maybe he's on to something.)

2. the Defensive 3-seconds Rule.

Hey, I kinda understand the impetus behind this rule. What I do NOT understand is why the NBA has not phased it out yet.

In the late 1990's the NBA wanted to allow defenses to play a modified zone defense. Instead of the traditional "man-to-man" rules where you could not double-team MJ, Clyde or Hakeem before they ever touched the ball (which was good and bad all at once).

And this was a good rule change at the time. As a compromise to the idiot notion that zone defenses would make it unfair to NBA offensive players, the NBA put in the defensive three-seconds rule. Now, while you were able to double or triple team any player at any time, a defensive player was NOT allowed to just camp out under the basket and guard no one in particular.

To this I say... why not? If Yao wants to just stand under the basket and not guard anyone - how is this a bad thing for the team on offense? It clearly allows at least one player to be open at all times. Somehow the concept of "not guarding anyone" makes for a stronger defense? Now that does not make sense!!

The NBA has had almost a decade to adjust to match-up zone defenses. There is no longer a need to dis-allow a defensive player from camping out under the basket. Just like there is no longer a need for short-shorts. Unless you are the Lakers.

1. The half-circle under the basket (and by implication the "charging" rules)

This is by far the dumbest thing the NBA has ever done.

A handful of years ago, to prevent flopping and to make it easier on referees to tell if a player is in position to take a charge (as opposed to committing a blocking foul), the dotted semi-circle or half-circle was painted underneath the rims on both sides of the court.

If a player is positioned inside the circle, it is always a blocking foul. If, however, a player manages to get two feet outside the circle and then fall down when the opposing player tries to posterize him, somehow that is a charging foul?


Granted, I realize that the Rockets have some of the best players at abusing this rule (Battier, Chuck Hayes, Scola, etc.). I also think this rule is f--king stupid. Not to mention dangerous.

Look, on those rare occasions when Tracy McGrady drives the ball to the basket and tries to dunk on some fool's head... he now has to worry about that stupid semi-circle. When he jumps up, the rules actually allow a slower, shorter player to be able to jump in front of the circle, stand still and undercut McGrady as he's already airborne. I'm surprised there hasn't been a devastating ankle/knee/hip injury because of this rule. NBA players fear being undercut all the time. Even on the street-court playground - undercutting another player while he's in the air starts more fights than "yo' momma" jokes. It's stupid and dangerous. And the NBA not only allows it, but puts in a rule that encourages this?

Fix it, Mr. Stern. Fix it now. Before the league becomes a bunch of drones who do nothing but try to take charges and bore-up your game. Or, as Bill Walton would say: "get up there and block a shot, big man!"

These are my resolutions and proposals to make the NBA great again.

Happy New Year, everyone! Welcome 2008 - and hopefully a re-birth for the Rockets' season.

I take this as a personal insult!

So, I'm at the bar defending the honor of the Houston Rockets in the presence of a friend of mine who just happens to be a Pistons fan. What do I get for my loyalty? A 94-82 beatdown by an inferior Eastern Conference team. Thanks. And Merry Christmas.

Why do I defend you guys? All you've done is disappoint me this year.

Tracy goes out in the 2nd half with a mysterious back injury... again.
Yao goes out after needing stiches to close a cut on his face.
(yeah, so Tracy would actually have to stick his head in the action to get that kind of injury, so I am making a distinction here as best I can.)

By my count, that's now three times that Tracy has been "injured" in the second half of lopsided losses. Not that I'm declaring shenanigans here (okay, so fuck it, that's exactly what I'm doing!), but Tracy - you need to stop being a wuss. Yao gets beat the fuck up every night and plays through. Meanwhile, McGrady has V.I.P. reservations in the visiting trainer's room every night it seems.

Nope, there is clearly nothing to see here... move along. Fuck!

Quit losing to teams that are not as good as you!!!!!!

Merry fucking Christmas, indeed.

Yes, I'm posting the gifts I am giving each of you sometime tomorrow. And no, none of you fuckers is getting an iPod.

Get above .500 and my attitude *might* change.

Yao is Angry

... and this is a good thing.

Rockets fall back to .500 and mediocrity after a 100-88 loss to the Sixers. Wait a second, we lost to freakin' Philadelphia. They have an aging Andre Miller (still better than Rafer) and Andre Iguodola - and that's it. They just fired their GM last week because he spent 10 years killing the franchise. And we just lost to them?

Yao post game: "When you are soft yourself, everything will feel tough," he said. "It's not because they are so tough. It's because of how soft we are."

It's hard to argue with that. The Rockets lack an enforcer of any sort. Chuck does the dirty work, but isn't exactly Dennis Rodman crazy. Bonzi *is* crazy, but he's too out of shape to start (or finish) a fight. McGrady's back could lock up at any moment. Dikembe just makes people laugh. Rafer sucks at everything, so I don't expect him to be any good at sparking some anger in the team. And Battier is the whitest man alive.

From the game recap:

Until the fourth quarter, when Adelman benched his starters, the most emotion the Rockets demonstrated came with a brief shouting match between Shane Battier and Mike James.

It's not exactly going to rise to the level of Kobe and the FatAss throwing down on the Court, and Mike James was probably just telling Battier to wipe that stupid look off his face - kinda like Butters getting grounded for looking funny in his school pictures.

One more game like this, and Yao should begin running amok and killing everyone in alphabetical order... beginning with you, Mr. Alston.

the Twelve Days of Christmas - Rockets Edition

Traditional Christmas songs have a tendency to be overplayed (not to mention the inherent suck-factor). I therefore present you with: The Twelve Days of Christmas (Houston Rockets/NBA selfish wishes)...

On the first day of Christmas, my true love gave to me ...

a series of blow-out victories!

___________________

On the second day of Christmas, my true love gave to me ...

two Western Conference All-Stars

and series of blowout victories!

___________________

On the third day of Christmas, my true love gave to me ...

the third Championship Ring

two Western Conference All Stars

and a series of blowout victories!

___________________

On the fourth day of Christmas, my true love gave to me ...

a fourth playoff win in one series (please!)

the third Championship Ring
two Western Conference All Stars
and a series of blowout victories!

___________________

On the fifth day of Christmas, my true love gave to me ...

FIVE golden games from Rafer (I don't ask for much!)

a fourth playoff win in one series

the third Championship Ring
two Western Conference All Stars
and a series of blowout victories!

___________________

On the sixth day of Christmas, my true love gave to me ...

a sixth man off the bench who can score and provide energy
(Bonzi? Scola? Stevie? anyone? ... Bueller?)

FIVE golden games from Rafer

a fourth playoff win in one series
the third Championship Ring
two Western Conference All Stars
and a series of blowout victories!

____________________

On the seventh day of Christmas, my true love gave to me ...

seven great games versus Utah/Dallas/San Antonio/Phoenix in round 1

a sixth man off the bench
FIVE golden games for Rafer
a fourth playoff win in one series
the third Championship Ring
two Western Conference All Stars
and a series of blowout victories!
______________________

On the eighth day of Christmas, my true love gave to me ...

the return of #8 -- (in a Rockets uniform?)

seven great games in Round 1
a sixth man off the bench
FIVE golden games for Rafer
a fourth playoff win in one series
the third Championship Ring
two Western Conference All Stars
and a series of blowout victories!
______________________

On the ninth day of Christmas, my true love gave to me ...

nine technical fouls from Yao (get angry, Big Man!)

the return of #8
seven great games in Round 1
a sixth man off the bench
FIVE golden games for Rafer
a fourth playoff win in one series
the third Championship Ring
two Western Conference All Stars
and a series of blowout victories!
___________________

On the tenth day of Christmas, my true love gave to me ...

Ten More Years of the Ming Dynasty!

nine technical fouls from Yao
the return of #8
seven great games in Round 1
a sixth man off the bench
FIVE golden games for Rafer
a fourth playoff win in one series
the third Championship Ring
two Western Conference All Stars
and a series of blowout victories!
___________________

On the eleventh day of Christmas, my true love gave to me ...

eleven gratuitous South Park/Rockets references

Ten More Years of the Ming Dynasty!
nine technical fouls from Yao
the return of #8
seven great games in Round 1
a sixth man off the bench
FIVE golden games for Rafer
a fourth playoff win in one series
the third Championship Ring
two Western Conference All Stars
and a series of blowout victories!
___________________

On the twelfth day of Christmas, my true love gave to me ...

12 Rockets players that can one day dream of being this clutch:

eleven gratuitous South Park/Rockets references
Ten More Years of the Ming Dynasty!
nine technical fouls from Yao
the return of #8
seven great games in Round 1
a sixth man off the bench
FIVE golden games for Rafer
a fourth playoff win in one series
the third Championship Ring
two Western Conference All Stars
and a series of blowout victories!

THE END

The evolutionary Nick Anderson

Any chance I get to reference Darwin (or even "social darwinism") - I'm all for it. Even better - the Darwin Awards.

Wait, I'm getting ahead of myself.

First, let's examine a quotation directly from Tracy McGrady prior to last night's game:

"That's what our system is all about, making the game easier, not settling for jumpers"

So, what does T-Mac do against the Phoenix Suns last night? 7-19 from the field (1-2 from 3-land), and an anemic 3-8 from the FT line. On the season, T-Mac is now shooting 76-105 from the line (a 72.4% clip). For his career, he's only 75% from the charity stripe. Again, for a point of reference, Yao shoots 90%. Yao is 7'5". Yao does not live on Endor with Wookiies! (Now that does not make sense!!)

T-Mac is a skilled perimeter player. He also used to be a very, very feared player when he put the ball on the floor and drove it to the freakin' basket! Ask Shawn Bradley...

somehow, some time, some way - T-Mac has stopped being aggressive. He constantly settles for that fadeaway, off-balance, line-drive 18 foot jump shot. Sure, it goes in about 40% of the time. But, like LeBron James circa 2005, all that does is make things easy on the opposing defense. T-Mac bails them out every time. Jump shooters don't get to shoot free throws - and I think that's both the problem and the solution for Tracy.

All that talk about not settling for jumpers... and what does Tracy do? Settle for jumpers.

Lee and I watched Game 7 v. Utah last year in horror as T-Mac continued to puss out and not take the ball strong to the rim. In contrast, Rafer sucks, but he at least tries to draw contact/fouls with that awkward looking flip shot of his.

Is Tracy McGrady afraid to get fouled?

In 1994/1995 - Nick Anderson was one of the most feared perimeter players in the NBA. He got to feed off Penny and the Fat Ass... he was a dead-eye shooter... and he was very good at finishing strong at the basket. Then came the 1995 NBA Finals. Game 1. And four missed free throws.

Granted, Nick's inability to make a free throw made me happy that day -- it brought Hakeem and Horry another ring, of course. But is history repeating itself with T-Mac? Karma would be cruel that way.

McGrady on a bad day is a far superior player to Nick Anderson on his best day. This is what helps hide any growing concern that T-Mac is becoming a pure perimeter player. He can get away with just taking those mid-range shots because he's so good at it. But he's 10x better if there is the threat that he might go dunk on your head. Which he just doesn't do anymore.

I miss the old version of T-Mac. Come back!!



moral of the story/rant/plea for help: stop settling for jumpers, Tracy!!!

An Explosion of Awfulness Game 16

Towelie, I have to give you SOME props for last night, you shot the ball lights out. Even Air Bullard and Bill Worrell were nice to you all game. That's an accomplishment in and of itself.

The problem is that you are the worst entry passer I have ever seen. And I'm a big guy, I've played post with many people at the Y or at the park, and I have never seen someone toss the ball to the post as poorly as you. Note to you: Yao is 7'6 he can get a pass high and it will be okay.


See, Yao is tall, I'm not making it up, I'm being totally serial: