10 things Rafer sucks less than

I've been informed by many people that maybe - just maybe - I am being too harsh on Rafer Alston. He did after all start a majority of games for a team that won 55 games last year, and he was a big part of the Streak. He also had that memorable game against the Lakers, which just so happened to be the one day ever recorded when I actually encouraged him to shoot the ball.

So, on that note, here is a list of 10 people or things that suck more than Rafer Alston:

1. The English Patient
2. the 1990s version of Jenna Jameson
3. the Utah Jazz
4. J.R. Towles (that bastard owes me $20)
5. Sage Rosenfels in the 4th Q on 10/4/2008
6. Limp Bizkit
7. Pearl Jam's Vs. CD
8. New Coke
9. John Travolta
10. Hurricane Ike

feel free to add to the list in the comments...

The Rockets and Hurricane Ike relief efforts

Part of the joy of writing for this blog every day is that I get to make fun of Rafer Alston. Constantly. Of course, it would be highly unfair to do that and then overlook it when Rafer actually does something really cool...

like this.

Chuck Hayes and Rafer Alston delivered 2,400 pairs of Crocs shoes and hundreds of boxes of food to 1,200 Houston residents who lost their homes during Hurricane Ike earlier this month.

a tip of the hat to Rafer and Chuck!

Sage makes Rafer look competent

For one day... Rafer's sucktitude takes a backseat to the Houston Texans. Specifically one Sage Rosenfels. FUCK YOU, Sage. I can only wish you meet these creatures:


Seriously, Fuck you, Sage - this is why your dumb ass is a back up QB.

Site news: We hate hurricanes

Hurricane Ike remains projected to kick Houston's ass this weekend.

One of us has already evacuated.

The other is stuck in Houston.

Don't expect much, if any, updates to this blog in the meantime. Or rants. Or raves. Or anything that would include a "Rafer Alston sucks" tag. Even though he does. Just know that.

I hate hurricanes.

Rafer going on trial for DWI

So Rafer Alston is actually going to go through with the charade of a public trial for his DWI charge from back in August. Not only is he killing me slowly as a basketball player, now he's going to force Houston prosecutors to spend my freakin' tax dollars to prove that he was drunk.

yeah, yeah, I know - "innocent until proven guilty" and all that. I think they mentioned something along those lines in my criminal law class 8 years ago. And no, I was not sick the day they taught law at law school!

Nevertheless: a show of hands of anyone who thinks Rafer wasn't drinking and driving that night? Anyone? Anyone...? Bueller...??? Yeah, that's what I thought. I wasn't even there, but circumstantial evidence suggests that something was going on. Washington Avenue at *3*am. No headlights. And he had bloodshot eyes.

As for what the cops claim:

The officer said Alston had bloodshot eyes and the smell of alcohol on his breath. He said the basketball player was unsteady on his feet and had to grab
his car to balance himself.

Clearly Mr. Officer hasn't watched a Rockets game in a while. Alston being "unsteady on his feet" isn't exactly news to me!

Of course, Rafer hired Rusty Hardin. Who for some reason now seems to be the Texas version of Johnny Cochran.
Which means we can all see where Mr. Hardin's cross examination is going......... "Rafer Alston's driver's license says he's a resident of Toronto! Canadia! Why would he be driving at 3am in Houston in August?? Now that does not make sense!!"


... and Rafer will somehow be found innocent.

Better late than never: Rockets trade Pip!

(sorry for not having a post up on Friday... or Saturday... or earlier today. I was not anywhere in town - and even further away from an Internet connection, e-mail or newspapers. It happens.)

From what I've read and been told upon my return earlier today -- the Rockets wised up and traded Nicholas Batum aka Frenchy aka Pip. I feel so relieved. And I really like what we got in return... according to Lee it breaks down like this:

Rockets get - Joey Dorsey and Darrel Arthur from Portland
Portland gets - Batum
Memphis gets Arthur and the Rockets late pick
Rockets get Donte Greene and Memphis's 2009 2nd rounder

Rockets ultimately get Donte Greene, Joey Dorsey and Memphis' 2nd rounder in '09.

This is excellent news!

Greene was one of "those guys" that I was hoping we would have an opportunity to pick. I'm quite happy with that. Now, while we didn't get CDR (who Morey apparently knows something about that I don't) - we did end up with his teammate Dorsey. Even if Dorsey is probably better being loaned to the Texans for a while (see what I did there? He's built like a football player!!!).

The interesting thing about Dorsey is my cousin used to be the Memphis trainer... which is probably why I was biased towards us drafting CDR to begin with. This is close enough I guess. Though it does create quite the backlog of power forwards for us:

Scola
Landry
Hayes
Greene/Dorsey

??

I guess this allows us to use some leverage against Carl Landry if he's truly seeking more than $4-5M a year -- we heard rumors he might ask for upwards of $10M a year... if so, I like you Carl, but you're not worth that. Sorry. It also might provide us insight on what the Rockets plan to do with Chuck Hayes (since he is no longer starting and presumably still can't shoot free throws. Of course, we all know that Dorsey is just as bad at the stripe... it is just not as ugly as Chuck's shot.)

So, in conclusion, I am happy with the result of the draft for the most part.

Alas, Rafer and Luther are still technically on the roster. Which is a problem. But the Rockets maximized their draft picks again and have added to the team's depth. That's about all we could do considering we could not draft Rose or Beasley.

Compliments for Skip?

As awesome as this winning streak is (19 and counting for those still unaware)...

the hardest part has been coming to terms with the fact that Rafer Alston is - for the most part - not stinking up the joint or getting in the way of things. In fact, he's actually been a competent if not better-than-average point guard the last 6 weeks. Yes, it kills me to say it because I'd have traded his useless ass for a moldy ham sandwich back in December. And it would have made for a most excellent Christmas.

Check it out - Sports Illustrated even named Skip one of the most "overlooked" players in the NBA right now. Really. It's true. Look here. Shocking, I know. I had to read it twice just to make sure. And then I closely examined the calendar to make sure it wasn't April Fool's Day.

I'm just in stunned silence right now. Okay, maybe not silence (no one can ever truly silence me)... but I am definitely stunned by Rafer's turnaround.

This is a brave new world we enter - one where Rafer "Skip to my Lou" Alston is... good?


Okay, so I still hate it when he takes that "tearput" shot of his. It's such an all-or-nothing shot. And yes, I still yell "nooooo!" at the TV whenever he winds up to shoot the 3. But I'm improving. Slowly. Baby steps, my friends. Baby steps.

an interview with Rafer?

An inside source (and possible fan of this here blog), directed us to a video interview with none other than our personal whipping boy favorite Rockets player ever, Mr. Rafer Alston.

Without further adieu... Rafer Alston on HoopsTV online.

(whoa, they even linked to us - kick @$$!)

Rafer sucks, but he's not a criminal (officially)

Just got the news that Rafer has beat the assault charges filed against him last summer.

It's gotta be the first time Rafer's played solid defense all season!

(what, did you expect me to write something nice about Rafer? Unlikely!!)

Still unable to discuss things rationally

Neither Lee nor I have really recovered from Tuesday's debacle. It's taking all of my strength not to completely freak out and give up on the Rockets.

Then I remind myself of the situation. We were playing good, team basketball - even without our supposed leader and best player - and at one point surged to 20-17. Winning five in a row. I'm doing my best not to be too myopic in my emotional outlook on the season. Besides, we do have some definite bright spots we can focus on:

1. Luis ScolaOur 27 year old foreign rookie is really starting to find his groove in the NBA. 8 points, 5 rebounds, 52% shooting and a hell of a lot of hustle every game. Ricky even has him on the court to close out the games instead of Chuck Hayes now. Scola almost single-handedly kept the Rockets from choking on Tuesday. (Unfortunately he was no match for the natural disaster that is Rafer Alston.)

I am even the proud owner of a Rockets/Scola #4 jersey that I bought at the game during halftime Tuesday. Practically the only good thing to come from that whole evening!

2. Aaron Brooks

Granted, when the Rockets drafted Chris Rock's little brother, I was annoyed. I thought Glenn Davis was a better choice for us (not knowing we'd get Scola). I thought drafting a midget in round 1 was a wasted pick. I was wrong.

Aaron Brooks is Iverson-quick. He willingly plays defense (though he's still learning how to do it at the NBA level). He makes really good passes in traffic. He can score when Yao is being triple teamed. He knows not to give the ball to Luther Head when the shot clock is running down.

Yes, he's a true rookie, which is why he's not starting (and hopefully the only reason we still have Rafer on the payroll). But Brooks' quick growth puts me at ease and will only accelerate Daryl Morey's decision to hit the eject button on Rafer when the season ends. Since we are not winning a ring this year - I can rest comfortably knowing we at least have one competent point guard on the roster who will only get better by next year.

3. Yao Ming

Yeah, the tall guy is still on the roster. Not that Rafer or Luther are aware of this.

One day he's actually going to get mad enough to hit Calvin Booth with that elbow. Then the days of hack-a-Yao-with-impunity will hopefully be over. Yao's elbows have to be even pointier than Dikembe's - it has to hurt like hell if you get clipped with it. Yao needs to take advantage of this.

Of course, with 5 additional b.s. calls against him Tuesday, Yao is this much closer to losing it. He's like a race car in the red... and I'm just saying it's dangerous to have a race car in the red. He could blow. I still maintain that would be a good thing. Except for opposing players.

Anyway, T-Mac returns Saturday supposedly. Spurs come to town. We better not need 13 points in 30 seconds. Let's just keep a lead this time for the whole game. Is that asking too much?

Point / Counterpoint

Hey, Roger Clemens:

F-U!

Look, Lee may not care that you and 85% of the MLB players from 1988 through, oh, today, took HGH and 'roids. But I do.

(And by the way, HGH has always been illegal to obtain without a prescripton. Anabolic steroids have always been illegal. Just because it's not in baseball's rules didn't make it okay. Kinda like how baseball doesn't need to write a rule/bylaw that says you cannot murder the umpire when he makes a bad call. It's obvious.)

Yeah, the Mitchell Report was a witch hunt. But without it, we would have never known about your fetish for ass-injected B12. Or lidocain. Or the rabies shots you had to get after Mike Piazza touched you. For it is certainly not information you would have volunteered had it not been for the MLB-sponsored witch hunt.

Too bad you don't play for the Astros now, because you and Tejada would apparently have gotten along great! Just ask Raffy!

Look, you did the 'roids. You did the HGH. You know it. We all know it now. You're still going to get into the HOF, just not on the first ballot. Just sack up and admit what you did. Waiting a month to get your buddy to throw you softball questions and then answer prepared questions by the media is not exactly going to prove your "innocence".

Trying to get me to believe that you have no idea why your friend would lie about you just insults my intelligence. And I hate the fact that I supported you for 24 years even when everyone else hated you for being a prick. Now you prove them right. Thanks, a-hole.