People That Piss Me Off (Week the Sixth)

It's the middle of the holiday season, so I'm supposed to be happy and all that, right?

Yeah... F that. Not with a 13-15 record and T-Mac scheduled to miss at least two games. McGrady is possibly returning to play against Golden State on New Year's Eve. Let's hope he chooses not to approach that game the Rex Grossman way. You, Tracy, are no Sex Cannon.

So, to make me feel slightly better and using this forum to rant and rave as usual, here's who pisses me off this week:

1. Peyton Manning

You see, Peyton - THIS is what you were supposed to be doing last weekend:

But, noooooooooooooo... you just had to play against the Texans in a game that meant nothing to you or your own team. Thanks. Look, I know you're the best QB. (Yeah, even better than that Brady guy.) I also know the Texans beat you last December and that probably made you mad. But, come on - Mario and the boys were soooo close to a winning record. You just had to tear their heart out. F'n grinch.

2. Sage Rosenfels

Dude, it's not all about Peyton. Maybe try to actually hit a WR in stride for once, and not throw it late and behind everyone. Just a thought. Or is this your way to rebel against the awesomeness that is Christmas?

3. Rafer

Because I feel like it and you've escaped my wrath for a few weeks now.

F U.

If we had a legit point guard I'm quite sure we wouldn't be 13-15. Your stats so far this season: 38.4% shooting (which matches your career average by the way), 9.3 ppg, 29.2% on three-pointers (even though you are open every freakin' time you shoot from there), and a so completely not surprising 59.4% from the free throw line. That is sad. You are a guard... who has made 19-32 free throws. You've played over twenty games and have slightly more than 1 FT attempt per game. And averaging less than one make per game. Good God you suck.

(caption: "I am confused. Why can't the new guy with the funky offensive system trade the spastic one who dribbles too much to Miami? Or just tell him the game got cancelled when it really didn't? I do not like Mr. Rafer.")

... and that's all for this week. On Monday I'll have an in-depth analysis of NBA resolutions for 2008 - also known as things the League needs to change ASAP.

People That Piss Me Off (Week... the Holiday edition!)

It's four days until Christmas. I don't want to be seen as Scrooge. Or the Grinch. Or a pagan.

Of course, with the Rockets playing like a NBDL team last night and losing for the 5th time in 6 games (in overtime! by 1 point!)... it's making it very hard to remain positive. Did we seriously just let Carmelo Anthony get 16 rebounds!?!? Well, chucking 34 three-pointers and missing 22 of them might be one of the reasons.

Ahhhh... trying to remain positive here. Without further ado - the People That Piss Me Off this week:

1. [empty]

Merry Christmas, everyone!!!

(I will leave you with a funny picture - something tells me Rafer wouldn't have much of a chance in this fight)

People That Piss Me Off (Week the Third)

Another week, another round-up of things that annoy me to no end.

Who is the guilty party this week? No, Rafer, it's not you. Quit being an attention whore. It's okay, I still think you suck though.

Instead we lead off with:

1. Jason Kidd

First, you have annoyed me since you were a rookie. Then in your second year get cock-blocked by Jim Jackson when he stole Toni Braxton from you. Okay, that was actually kinda funny, but you got all passive aggressive, refused to pass him the ball - and then demanded a trade.

Then you introduce your wife to the NBA viewing audience. And your annoying kid.


Instead of enjoying watching Robert Horry beat your ass in the NBA Finals... I have to keep seeing cutaways to your wife and kid on the sidelines. Joumana is a media whore and your kid has a more mis-shaped head than Billy Madison.

That post-season annoyed me so much, I almost agreed with Bob Ryan's assessment of Joumana.

Oh, let's not forget that you beat your wife. I have no tolerance for wife-beaters. None. I bet Lee doesn't, either (unless your name is Warren Moon.)

This week you make the list because you are now on strike apparently. Don't deny it. You don't like your teammates so you didn't feel like playing. Making googly-eyes at LeBron and Kobe will not help your cause either. Your story doesn't add up for one basic reason: you've played through knee problems for many years now (microfracture surgery, etc.), and yet one lousy headache keeps you stuck in the locker room? Weak, dude.

Yes, Mr. Kidd, you piss me off.

2. This guy:

Dude, your team lost. You choked. You are not God's Linebacker (Kitna would certainly veto that notion). Quit blaming the refs when you, in fact, got the benefit of all the calls for the first three quarters. And put that knife away.

3. Lee -- yeah, I'll blog when I get a chance to blog! Some of us have work to do!

4. Over-betting poker players whose favorite two words are "all in".

(really, do I need to explain this? I thought not.)

5. The white, yet also Spanish, reincarnation of Gary Payton. Also known as this guy:

Juan Carlos Navarro. He made Rafer look foolish a few times. And he was killing the Rockets in the first quarter on Wednesday. And he can actually *make* that floating flip shot Rafer airballs all the time. Makes me jealous. And pissed off.

Mad Max - The Florida Lady Beater

I wake up this morning to an email from a friend that made me sad. Here's the gist:

Apparently Maxwell hit a woman, and since I can easily follow that with "again", I can only assume it's true. I don't get it Vernon, you had everything, Mr. Basketball in Florida as a high school player, a great college career, ruined by NCAA violations that erased it. You got a second chance with the Rockets and made a lot out of it. But even that was screwed up by your being upset that you weren't the starter when a Hall of Fame 2 guard in Clyde Drexler was traded for. You were still an intergal part of the team, why wasn't that enough? Your tirade into the stands, which got Robert Horry and Otis Thorpe suspensions as well is what led to the trade in the first place.

I miss that killer attitude on the court, I let the incident with the team slide when:

You hit Carl Herrera with a weight
Ran into the stands (because that fan probably did deserve it)
You quit on the team, even though you faked an injury to do it (because you were Mad Max, you had contributed so much already)


But I couldn't let it go when you obviously were a dead beat dad, you couldn't even show up to the trial. You've been accused but never convicted of hitting a lady before. This time, I can't let it go. I'll always remember you as this guy on the court:

But you are dead to me off it. Not that you'd care...


For more, this is a great article by Hubert Mizell of the St. Petersburg Times, no matter how sad the context is: Mad Max threw it all away

People That Piss Me Off (Week the Second)

Yes, I know it's more than a full week after my first PTPMO entry... there were holidays in the way. And it was hard for me, alright? So back off!!


Anyway - without any interruption, the five people/teams/entities that piss me off this week (not necessarily NBA-related, but...)

1. The NFL (and the NFL-Network)

This has been covered by Big Daddy Drew in his weekly deadspin post, but a big F-U to the higher-ups at the NFL. First, I hate the Cowboys. I also have a relatively strong dislike for the Packers and the random fellating of one Brett Favre (pronounce your name right, you redneck SOB!). But I have a distinct predilection for watching regular season NFL games between two 10-1 teams. It only happens once every 15-20 years, so I kinda had to watch. What can I say, I like football. I like good football games even more.

Nevertheless, even though I have the NFL Network at home, watching these games alone is lame. So, the problem is that this forced me to (a) go to a bar with 200 other people, and (b) Miss the Rockets v. Golden State matchup because the bar would not switch the channel. Damn Cowboys fans.

And now I'm all tired and irritable because I had to wait in line for all my beer... got no sleep... and only recently found out the Rockets gave one away to the Warriors. Weak.

The NFL knows it has this power over me, and makes no effort to be nice to me. F-U, NFL.

2. Rafer Alston

Yes, Towelie had not one, but TWO borderline good games this week. (Granted they are mediocre games for most players, but we're always grading on a curve when we talk about Alston.) Because of this - it makes it harder for me to write "Rafer Alston sucks" and have recent empirical evidence to support my contention.

So, please Rafer, just continue sucking so the Rockets will be forced to dump your sorry ass.

3. opposing counsel

On days when all I wanna do is write a scatching review/commentary about the NBA or a particular player to this here blog, opposing counsel comes along and [discussion redacted due to privilege, confidentiality and a desire not to get my ass fired/dis-barred]!

4. Steve Nash

Look, I know you're all Canadian and anti-war and shit, Nash. So what's the deal with kicking Yao Ming in the 4th Q on Wednesday night? First you jump out in front of him in an attempt to draw a foul, flop when Yao tries to avoid contact, and when Yao actually falls down you kick him!?!? WTF? The dude is 7'5" - he doesn't exactly pop right back up when he falls down.

Don't make me go get Robert Horry to hip-check your ass into the boards again!

5. Houston Rockets who can't shoot at least 80% from the FT line.

Basically, this points the finger at every Rocket not named "Yao Ming". Guys, it's a freakin' free throw. No one is defending you. And you are supposed to be professionals. Hell, I am a 6'1" skinny white dude. But I made 85-90% of my free throws all through high school and college intramurals. So, yes, I do believe this gives me a license to be angry at you guys for continually failing at a fundamental part of basketball. Maybe you just need help?

People That Piss Me Off (Week the First)

The Rockets have gone from 6-1 to 6-3 in the last few days (Memphis?!? Really?).
Tracy McGrady is hurt and might miss a week or so.
We have to face Dallas, San Antonio and Phoenix in our next three games - oh, joy.

... and Rafer is still on the roster.

I therefore bring you: "People Who Piss Me Off" this week.

Leading off - Stephon Marbury.On Tuesday, Marbury and his Knicks lost to the Suns. No shame in that. The Knicks suck. The Suns kind of do not. Apparently Stephon was informed on the plane flight afterwards that he was being replaced by some dude/chick named Mardy Collins. Sure, I can understand him not being happy about this. Starbury is the last person in the NBA to learn that he sucks. So, what does Steph do? Oh, I'll let the AP tell you:

Upon hearing [from Eddy Curry] that he would back up second-year guard Mardy Collins, Marbury marched toward the front of the plane to meet with [Isiah] Thomas. Five minutes later, an enraged Marbury told his teammates that if he wasn't starting he wouldn't suit up for the game. But it was something else Marbury said that stunned his teammates...
"Isiah has to start me," Marbury fumed, according to the source. "I've got so much
(stuff) on Isiah and he knows it. He thinks he can (get) me. But I'll (get) him first.
You have no idea what I know."

So I get all excited to learn that Stephon might tell some good gossip that somehow wasn't brought forth during this summer's trial? But... what happens next? Stephon gets fined. $195k.

Instead of taking a stand for what he apparently believes in, Stephon gets on a plane and comes back. No gossip spoken. No dirt on Isiah. No use of the word "bitch" (damn). F U Stephon for making me anxious to hear some good dirt during an otherwise crappy work week. Oh, and kindly find your way over to the bench, where you will still reside.

Next? Richard Justice... for insinuating that maybe Steve Francis should be given a chance to play.

Look, I know Rafer sucks. A lot. But the Franchise is not the answer. Unless we can trade him to Utah for Deron Williams. Then I will thank him. At this point, Stevie is to the Rockets as Kyle Broflovski is to the Colorado all-state basketball team. Kyle's negroplasty did not work, and Steve's supposed new attitude clearly isn't enough.

At least Rafer only shoots the ball 10-12 times a game. Stevie will dribble out the 24 second shot clock and then shoot (they both have abject fears of passing the ball to tall Chinese men apparently). Furthermore, without Cuttino Mobley present, Franchise has to be distracted. For he has no reason to wake up in the morning.

It's bad enough that Richard Justice won't leave Mario Williams alone. Now he's trying to get Francis to play consistent minutes? No thanks, dude.


Honorable mention attempts to piss me off?

1. Barry Bonds - dude, it's basketball season. Get off my news.
2. Rafer. Duh.
3. Lee Evans - FU Lee Evans. You've ruined 3 perfectly good FFL teams.
4. Bill Simmons - I used to love your work. Now you have an undefeated basketball team, an undefeated football team, and the reigning World Series Champs. Lucky bastard.
5. Karl Malone - Yeah, just because you are off hunting little Mexican girls doesn't mean I forgot about you. Nor has this guy:

Until next week...